Origami on a Crowded Bus

The one thing about Bangalore, is the traffic,
Fairly common in most cities, I have some aversion to it here,
Its not the local buses no, Its not the distance either,
No no,Its really just the people, that I fear.

Before I go on, let me tell you, that I have a fear of crowds,
Its a documented phobia. From the time of king Tut,
I am also afraid of sitting near people with colds and coughs,
Or even a bad haircut.

And traveling at rush hour is the worst,
You would only get to stand and stare,
At the upper society girls who would wear sleeveless tops,
And have long arm pit hair.

And believe me, you would have to hold on,
Or get really good shoes,
I didn't have to worry,
I practice Ninjitsu.

Now of all times, such as this, there came in a family,
Who's kid just woke up, still in her jammy,
I really didn't care, I was too busy,
Using my ticket for some Origami.

The seat next to me was empty,
Much to my surprise,
And that gal, she chose it, even after,
I gave her a look through menacing eyes.

I didn't bother, she seemed happy,
Even after my scare,
And stared at the paper in my hand,
That was now a perfect square.

She sat and watched me,
Without a word, looking at the beauty,
At what might unfold,
In my wonderful symmetry.

I was making an ornament,
For some kind of lawn,
And after a few folds,
It looked more like a headless-swan.

The girl cheered,
She seemed to like it,
She even stretched out her hand,
To show that she'll want it.

I was happy to give it,
I made a girl smile,
The only girl who wouldn't have,
Fallen for my guile.

I stared as she got off the bus,
I saw her standing and then she waved,
The crowd was on diminish,
I was saved!

Then on got a man in uniform,
Not of power,
But still he seemed to make,
All passengers cower.

I sat in my seat, looking at him,
He seemed all Go-go.
In a hurry when he asked me for my ticket,
All I could think was, Uh Oh.

She Wants You Now

"Vivek, Priyanka wants you now."
"You're kidding right?"
"No, No. I swear. Those were the words she used. She has been asking everyone where you are. She has something important to tell you."
"Priyanka? To tell me? You don't suppose?"
"Yes, She does not have a boy friend. Yes, She has to tell you something. Yes, you're wasting time speculating about it now."

Ah Yes.
Priyanka Agarwal. The apple of my eye. The light in all the darkness.
The most radiant thing.
7 months I chased after her. I never revealed how I felt about her. She knew I loved her. I didn't know for sure.
Yet.
She had to tell me something. Why of all times now?
Well, we did talk for a long time on the phone. And she enjoyed that dinner we had.
Vivek, you sly guy you, you finally did it!
Who knew years of perseverance could convince even the hardest of hearts?
She wanted me. Those were the words!

There she sat. Among her friends.
Chatting. They looked at me.
They Giggled.
I know that giggle. Its the somebody-loves-someone giggle.

Priyanka gave them a look. They got up and left. All smiling.

Well, well,well This augers well for me.

"Hey"

She smiled. I know those eyes.

Hey Babe! (Wishing I could pull that off) "Hey Priyanka, Sup"

Yes,yes Act Indifferent.

"I've been wanting to tell you something."

So I've heard.

"Tell me Priyanka" 'My love' I could have added.

"You know its been a year right, since we started talking, and I've been meaning to tell you this for a very long time."

"Go on." Heh heh heh

"And in all this time you have treated me so well, so caring and loving, I couldn't be closed to you anymore. I had to show you how important you are to me."

Lay it on me babe!

"So I think I should let you know. "

Reckoning day!

"I love you Bhaiyya!"

She said it! She loves me! Wait, Bhaiyya?

Then out came the dreaded string. I flinched. I couldn't run away.
I smiled while she fed me sweets.

"Happy Raksha Bandhan"

She gave me a hug.I smiled the same fake smile.

I was crying inside.

Her friends (and mine) started laughing. Priyanka looked confused.
I smiled again.

I think this is a celebration of being a protector and care giver, not necessarily, for brothers and sisters, Right?

Right?
Right?

Being the Bigger Man

There are advantages to playing outdoor sports with kids.
Take, for example football.

I could so easily take advantage of their small feet and take huge strides on the small field they play on.
I could play the ball of a long distance, just high enough so they couldn't quite reach it and let it gradually dip into the goal.
I could run like a bulldozer and smile to myself knowing that these kids will move out of the way.

OR

I could be the big man ; I could give in.
I could let them easily take the ball from me.
I could get them thinking that I'm trying my hardest and still, it would never be good enough when compared to their exquisite skill.
I could moderate between team players ensuring all the kids had a good time and learn some new tricks too.

I tried the latter.

I started off with the ball. A gentle touch towards fellow striker and off he went like he was fired from a cannon.

I ran along. At a distance. I couldn't quite keep up. He lost the ball. I ran back and managed to grab the ball of a kid (We'll call him leaf blower.)who seemed to weigh a little more than a leaf in autumn.

"FOUL!"
"Why?"
"Uncle, you push too hard. Thats foul."

Now being the big man, I gave In. I left him have the ball.

Play resumed. I tried hard and every time I got the ball it would seem like there were a bunch of kids trying to climb on to you.
There was this one kid who was just a little bigger than a standard size 5 football. He was the grabber.
I remember him well.
He would not go after the ball. No, his target was me. I could see after a while that these kids had no intention of playing football. Their ultimate goal - KILL Vivek Uncle. (Or as one kid said, Blast Vivek Uncle).
So anyway, as I was running with the ball, with the grabber clinging on to my shins, I felt strange.
It was a feeling similar to that of an unsuspecting fish in piranha infested waters.
Not unlike the red bellied predators, I found the kids run in a circle around me.
I couldn't outrun them. It was pointless. Every time I tried, I found 3-4 of them next to me, scurrying like crabs across a beach.

Now it was more like rugby. I had on me the clinger and some kid to whom I had to reiterate why we dont bite other people.
And through all this, leaf blower sneaks in from under my legs and takes the ball. He trips over my feet.
"Foul! Penalty Shot!"
"You tripped over my foot by yourself, how is that foul?"
"Uncle, this is cheating, its foul!"
"No, leaf blower, fair is fair. Play continues."

With my firm response, leaf blower throws a small tantrum and runs off the field.
I continue playing with the kids, who now get the idea they're winning.
And then leaf blower comes onto the field with someone. His dad.

I had a heart to fist chat with him.

This time I didn't want to be the big man and give in,I wanted to reason with him about the importance of kids understanding fair play and being a good loser too.
But I changed my mind. I had to be the big man again. And only because,
He was the bigger man.

From then on I did what every grown-up could do when kids play.
I cheered.

Treating Her Right

Two guys who are bored, stand on a crowded street.

Guy in the know (GITK)
Guy Clueless (GC)

GC: Look at that! A hot piece if I ever saw one.

GITK: Yeah!, She almost shines like the sun!

GC: I wish I had her. I just can't afford her.

GITK: You could. You just need to know how to treat her right.

GC: Yeah, like you'd know.

GITK:It so happens I do.

GC: What? Tell me!

GITK: They are very sensitive. And respond to the slightest touch.

GC: Respond?

GITK: Yeah, they make the softest sound. Moaning almost.

GC: Really? So I can go on banging her and hammering her?

GITK: What? No way! She's no toy! Just pick on her ,but not too much.

GC: Why not too much?

GITK: One day she'll just snap and you'll really get hurt. Thats why.

GC: Oh Ok. Tell me more.

GITK: Well, be very careful about the G-String. Its pretty thin and difficult to reach.

GC: Well, I can just pluck at it, right?

GITK: Yes, she'll really make a sound then.

GC: Nice!

GITK: See you just try it and see the sound she makes. The better the sound, the better you treat her. Its just that simple.

GC: And how exactly would I do that?

GITK: There are books all over the internet. And online tutorials.

GC: They have tutorials for this stuff?

GITK: Of course, many of them use it!

GC: So basically I have to finger her right.

GITK: Yeah, its all in the fingering. You may get tired of it. Even bored. But the sounds she makes would give you sheer pleasure.

GC: What if I get bored of her?

GITK: You could go for another, but you got to start all over again getting your finger in the right spot.

GC: Yeah, but I guess I could never stick to one. What do I do if I get bored of this one?

GITK: Get an electric one. Don't forget the amp.


I have started practicing guitar everyday now. I can play The Phantom of the Opera (To scare him off), The Sounds of Silence (To appreciate when I'm not playing) and even Jingle Bells (To make him fall off the roof).

This post is an inspiration from a friend who literally loves the guitar. I think he'll marry one and they'll have many,many violins together.

My Girlfriend was against my putting this up saying I have a perverted sense of humor.
Oh Well.

1985 - Unlikely Diet

1993 - Unfair Unfair

'Ass' you like it

There are multiple roles that one can play at the work place. (Or work at the play place).

Now while at the IT industry, these roles are more familiar to me I find that there are a few more roles that are seen but never spoken about.
These are the kind that apply to any kind of work place.

ROLES:

SMART Ass

This is one of those famous roles played by most freshers who think they know too much. They probably do but being humble about it isn't one of their strengths. Speaking out of line is also one of very popular qualities of this role.

You sit and watch your senior working. He says you don't eat properly. He compares you to a stick figure in a activity diagram. Now, instead of staying quiet and smiling, a SMART ASS would typically add to it by saying, I can swim too! (Ref. swim lanes in activity diagram).
Sorry about the IT humour. I'll try to keep it general.

WISE Ass

Another famous role in the workplace. This type never takes work seriously. Its all a joke to him. He would get the job done, but he'd make wise cracks about it.
On the other hand,
This type of person is fun to have around and would make the place more lively and not to mention entertaining. Provided you don't work with your 'NO NONSENSE' boss in the next room. You could probably make other people stop working too.

LAZY Ass

This type needs no introduction. He just sits on his ass all day not getting anything done. Sort of like a politician. Not only does he reduce productivity. He also complains all day about his job, work and even a fly in his soup. These kind of people could however work smart if not hard.
Staring at the computer screen, sleeping with eyes open like a fish is a very good example.

KISS Ass

Another Role that needs no introduction. This type of person plays doormat,floor mat and shoe lick to everyone in the office. Probably gets places too. Self-Respect isn't in the dictionary sometimes.

DUMB Ass

Almost found in every work place. Just when you expect a serious and sensible answer, this guy chooses to speak! A typical slap your forehead (and his) type of moment ensues.
20 % of all project teams, as I've recently discovered, comprise these rare people.

KICK Ass

The Exact opposite of Dumb Ass. These people ARE the no nonsense people we talked about. They will ensure they get the job done, kick you for lying around and definitely slap you on the back of your head. Believe me, I know. They do that.

So now we have covered all the possible roles at the work place. If you know any more please share..
This post may have been a Pain-in-the-ass I'm sure you'll see that there is a lot of truth here.
After a very stringent analysis, I find that I'm 50% Wise Ass,30% Smart Ass and 20% Dumb Ass.
I'm so proud. (Tear in eye.)

Tamagotchi Theory

Our Hero has been part of a lover's spat. (As in, a lover almost spit on him).

Now while our Hero tries his best to appease her, he couldn't help come up with a new theory.
He loves making theories (that make no sense) and after the older one, he just couldn't help himself.
So he comes up with an all new one.
Now while there seems no reason why this would even relate to a tiff, our Hero seems hellbent on explaining this.

Our Hero assumes here that everyone here knows what a Tamagotchi is and has had one in their childhood,or even now. (Our Hero isn't judging).

If you are not in the know.

Our Hero found out that love is very similar to a growing tamagotchi. (He further refers to this lover as a tamagotchi)
You have no nurture it, feed it and care for it and at other times play with it or just clean up the shit.

The latter is why the theory even came into being.
While playing around could please the tamagotchi ,it could also spell doom. (Thats when you'll need to clean up the shit).

Premise to theory

Tamagotchi sad. You feed it. Tamagotchi Happy.
Tamagotchi sad. You play with it. Tamagotchi Happy.
Tamagotchi sad AGAIN. You feed /play with it 3-4 times. Tamagotchi STILL sad.
Tamagotchi dies.
RESET button pushed.

Lover sad. Kissey kissey message. Lover happy.
Lover VERY sad. 3-4 kissey kissey message. Lover still sad.
RESET button pushed.

Theory

No matter how well you treat your tamagotchi (Your love), it will still die. Till it is reset. And killed again.

Outcome of theory

DISEASE:
Multiple kissey kissey messages, never work on a very angry lover.
(Immunity gained).

CURE:
Narration of Tamagotchi Theory (translated into over 45 languages) to the affected lover. (Sanity Lost)

Some things that can be assumed about the theory and its Creator:

1.) Our Hero is fantastic.
2.) The theory is fantastic.
3.) Our Hero isn't one of the lovers.
4.) The lovers definitely don't love our Hero.
5a.) The theory deeply moved the lovers. They made up.
5b.) They realized no tiff was worth hearing this.
6.) They took a united stand. (Against the Hero).
7.) Its better to have had a tamagotchi and lost it than never have a tamagotchi at all.
8.) Our Hero gets spit on after all.

A Hole in One

No, this isn't about golf.
Except for the fact that a little 'birdie' told my parents that I wanted to get my ears pierced.
She's gonna get hurt real bad. (Russel Peters Influence).

Now, now don't get all shocked and all.
I don't want to transition to the other side.
As the title says, just one of them. The right one.

When I say right I actually mean the left. You see the left is right and the right wrong. The right ear holds many a meaning, as I've learned recently.
The ear could be responsible for balance, never heard it was responsible for orientation too.

So now I have decided to get the only ear 'left' pierced. (I gotta stop this don't I?)
I had almost got a sanction from the higher authorities with very exquisite reasoning being,

Why Can't I?

Now I tell my parents that there is nothing wrong with getting an ear pierced. And while mom was OK with it initially and sis backed me up,dad vetoed it!
And like a nice coalition party the other two turned on me.

Dad's Reasoning:

He doesn't like it. And it would hurt him.

Yes, very valid, I might add. I definitely wouldn't want to hurt him. But the reasoning is, however, without argument. So I reiterate my request, saying I have no other bad habits that he could speak of and there was nothing wrong with this.
I cross reason, with him saying that while a nose-ring on a girl really turns me off, it would ultimately be the girl's wish and there was nothing wrong with it.
He asks me not to get a nose-ring either.

Mom's Reasoning:

Ask your father.

Yeah, Right. She further adds, "Nee ekreme nariyave kadhe kuthere".(Tamil Pun)
Hmph.

Sister's Reasoning:

You'd look like a punk.

Yes, yes everyone guy's dream goal. I don't know she went to the other extreme, cause I definitely wasn't planning on a Mohawk.
Yet.

It wasn't like I wanted heavy pieces of metal hanging from cartilage. It was going to be a simple 'kadhkan'.
I found that it was done by iyer boys in the early days, why not maintain some tradition? :D

So I'm in a dilemma.
Not whether I want to do it, but whether its only my family that feels this way.
I would like some feedback on your thoughts and maybe you could change my mind about it before next week.
My dad would probably come to kill me,if I went through with it.
It would take him 27 hours to come down to India,
and in that time,
Something's gonna get punctured real bad.
(And I dont mean my pride.I really have to stop watching Russell Peters).

NOTE:

I would exercise urgency,
I am very upset. They have asked me to work this weekend. I had a nice trip planned. With friends, to Goa and Mangalore. I had to cancel.
Believe me, I'm very upset. I could cut a hole in anything right about now.

Ma, I'm Home!

THEN:

Finally, I'm Home.
After a long time I see my folks. I guess I last saw my mom and sis two months ago. (They were in the gulf).
Its always nice to be home. Especially, after the Bangalore traffic and long working hours.(Yes, I practically stay at office now).

I was home in Coimbatore, last month. Yes, an empty house. With no one to receive me.
Except maybe some roaches who thought they found a new home.
I ain't a good landlord. They were out on the streets very soon.

I sit here writing this, with a borrowed laptop, just to share my joy!
Its perfect.
Mom keeps running around trying to keep her ONLY son satisfied.
Now I had to only suggest,I'd want something and she'd be running around like a highly paid bell boy.
Sorry, for the poor comparison, mom. You know I'd never use a bell.

Thats how it always was. I'd have my favorite food for lunch,dinner and those extra midnight snacks your mom knows you love. A fully-stocked fridge. (Yes, direction to a man's heart is usually through his stomach or the plumbing is all wrong).

All this makes you feel like you're a long lost son returning from a war, they never thought they'd see you again.
Fort Minor's 'Where'd you go?' would set the right tone/mood for this post now.

Much to my sister's displeasure, I sat there like a pampered king. I din even have to get up off bed for breakfast.
Ah, good times.


NOW:

I enter home, to a more-formality type of hug, from mom.
Attendance at sis room has been given.
Marked absent.
I usually sleep for 3-4 hours after I'm back. So I hit the sack.

I lie on the comfortable bed and almost doze off when I hear...

"You'll have to pick Sruti up from her friend's house. Then go to the bank to sort out the account problem, after that you have to get me some groceries and then go have my computer fixed."

"But Ma, I'm dead tired."

I tried to tell her I had bus lag.

"Parava ille (No Problem), sleep for 10 minutes, have a bath and then leave."

I get up,have a bath, sit down for breakfast. A feast I might add.

Sruti sits at the kitchen, pouring me a glass of juice saying "You should have seen the look on your face."

The Fridge is fully stocked. Mom is already picking up after me.
The Prince has indeed returned.

Home IS where the heart is.
No matter how much I pretend I don't miss it.