My Occam's Razor

Sub-Standard

2010-03-22T20:58:00.003+05:30

For Vegans, it was always a good option to eat at Subway.
With variants of grass and other veges, they do come up with offers that bring in many a customer.
Take for example - 'The Sub of the Day' - On the day, a particular sub on the menu would cost 50rs.

Today it was the Chicken Ham Sub.
On any other day, a Chicken Ham sub would cost me 120rs. An ordinary Vege-Delite which included just the veges would make me just 70rs lighter. Yes a good offer, but not for me.

Me: Is there no Vegetarian Sub on discount?
Subway Dud(e): No Sir, only the Chicken Ham.
Me: Give me the that then.

This is the part where I would call myself a real smart dude.

Me: Can you hold the Chicken and the ham and the pickle. And extra jalapeno.
Subway Dud(e): Sure Sir. Would you like a cookie with that Sir?
Me: Sure. Why not? (I saved on the Sub anyway).
Subway Dud(e): That would be 80rs Sir.

A few moments later,I smile at my genius and hold out the money.
I collect my sub and head back.

This is the part where I would call myself a real dumb ass.

It suddenly dawns on me that a cookie cost me 30rs.
I look at the bill and see he charged me 70rs for the sub.

@%^#@%@&!!

I'm moving to eating meat.

Its still here

2010-03-21T12:53:00.004+05:30

Okay, its been a while.
Quite frankly I'm surprised this link is still active.
I thought Google would have done the world a favor and removed this link from the listings.
Ah Well.

Here's the thing,
I've been real busy.
I've been swamped with work.
I couldn't think of anything to write about. (I have a very stringent filtering on the posts that go live, you see, only the ones that make me laugh 3-4 times on re-reads make it here. And of-late I haven't been in a very humor filled mood. Work pressures can do that to you,right?)

But while these are excuses that hide the real reason poorly, I assure you, I'll be back with some funny anecdotes as soon as I think them up, time permitting, and will put them up asap.
Beware, the lethal use of farce!

Origami on a Crowded Bus

2009-09-18T17:33:00.001+05:30

The one thing about Bangalore, is the traffic,
Fairly common in most cities, I have some aversion to it here,
Its not the local buses no, Its not the distance either,
No no,Its really just the people, that I fear.

Before I go on, let me tell you, that I have a fear of crowds,
Its a documented phobia. From the time of king Tut,
I am also afraid of sitting near people with colds and coughs,
Or even a bad haircut.

And traveling at rush hour is the worst,
You would only get to stand and stare,
At the upper society girls who would wear sleeveless tops,
And have long arm pit hair.

And believe me, you would have to hold on,
Or get really good shoes,
I didn't have to worry,
I practice Ninjitsu.

Now of all times, such as this, there came in a family,
Who's kid just woke up, still in her jammy,
I really didn't care, I was too busy,
Using my ticket for some Origami.

The seat next to me was empty,
Much to my surprise,
And that gal, she chose it, even after,
I gave her a look through menacing eyes.

I didn't bother, she seemed happy,
Even after my scare,
And stared at the paper in my hand,
That was now a perfect square.

She sat and watched me,
Without a word, looking at the beauty,
At what might unfold,
In my wonderful symmetry.

I was making an ornament,
For some kind of lawn,
And after a few folds,
It looked more like a headless-swan.

The girl cheered,
She seemed to like it,
She even stretched out her hand,
To show that she'll want it.

I was happy to give it,
I made a girl smile,
The only girl who wouldn't have,
Fallen for my guile.

I stared as she got off the bus,
I saw her standing and then she waved,
The crowd was on diminish,
I was saved!

Then on got a man in uniform,
Not of power,
But still he seemed to make,
All passengers cower.

I sat in my seat, looking at him,
He seemed all Go-go.
In a hurry when he asked me for my ticket,
All I could think was, Uh Oh.

She Wants You Now

2009-08-05T08:40:00.000+05:30

"Vivek, Priyanka wants you now."
"You're kidding right?"
"No, No. I swear. Those were the words she used. She has been asking everyone where you are. She has something important to tell you."
"Priyanka? To tell me? You don't suppose?"
"Yes, She does not have a boy friend. Yes, She has to tell you something. Yes, you're wasting time speculating about it now."

Ah Yes.
Priyanka Agarwal. The apple of my eye. The light in all the darkness.
The most radiant thing.
7 months I chased after her. I never revealed how I felt about her. She knew I loved her. I didn't know for sure.
Yet.
She had to tell me something. Why of all times now?
Well, we did talk for a long time on the phone. And she enjoyed that dinner we had.
Vivek, you sly guy you, you finally did it!
Who knew years of perseverance could convince even the hardest of hearts?
She wanted me. Those were the words!

There she sat. Among her friends.
Chatting. They looked at me.
They Giggled.
I know that giggle. Its the somebody-loves-someone giggle.

Priyanka gave them a look. They got up and left. All smiling.

Well, well,well This augers well for me.

"Hey"

She smiled. I know those eyes.

Hey Babe! (Wishing I could pull that off) "Hey Priyanka, Sup"

Yes,yes Act Indifferent.

"I've been wanting to tell you something."

So I've heard.

"Tell me Priyanka" 'My love' I could have added.

"You know its been a year right, since we started talking, and I've been meaning to tell you this for a very long time."

"Go on." Heh heh heh

"And in all this time you have treated me so well, so caring and loving, I couldn't be closed to you anymore. I had to show you how important you are to me."

Lay it on me babe!

"So I think I should let you know. "

Reckoning day!

"I love you Bhaiyya!"

She said it! She loves me! Wait, Bhaiyya?

Then out came the dreaded string. I flinched. I couldn't run away.
I smiled while she fed me sweets.

"Happy Raksha Bandhan"

She gave me a hug.I smiled the same fake smile.

I was crying inside.

Her friends (and mine) started laughing. Priyanka looked confused.
I smiled again.

I think this is a celebration of being a protector and care giver, not necessarily, for brothers and sisters, Right?

Right?
Right?

Being the Bigger Man

2009-07-25T22:40:00.002+05:30

There are advantages to playing outdoor sports with kids.
Take, for example football.

I could so easily take advantage of their small feet and take huge strides on the small field they play on.
I could play the ball of a long distance, just high enough so they couldn't quite reach it and let it gradually dip into the goal.
I could run like a bulldozer and smile to myself knowing that these kids will move out of the way.

OR

I could be the big man ; I could give in.
I could let them easily take the ball from me.
I could get them thinking that I'm trying my hardest and still, it would never be good enough when compared to their exquisite skill.
I could moderate between team players ensuring all the kids had a good time and learn some new tricks too.

I tried the latter.

I started off with the ball. A gentle touch towards fellow striker and off he went like he was fired from a cannon.

I ran along. At a distance. I couldn't quite keep up. He lost the ball. I ran back and managed to grab the ball of a kid (We'll call him leaf blower.)who seemed to weigh a little more than a leaf in autumn.

"FOUL!"
"Why?"
"Uncle, you push too hard. Thats foul."

Now being the big man, I gave In. I left him have the ball.

Play resumed. I tried hard and every time I got the ball it would seem like there were a bunch of kids trying to climb on to you.
There was this one kid who was just a little bigger than a standard size 5 football. He was the grabber.
I remember him well.
He would not go after the ball. No, his target was me. I could see after a while that these kids had no intention of playing football. Their ultimate goal - KILL Vivek Uncle. (Or as one kid said, Blast Vivek Uncle).
So anyway, as I was running with the ball, with the grabber clinging on to my shins, I felt strange.
It was a feeling similar to that of an unsuspecting fish in piranha infested waters.
Not unlike the red bellied predators, I found the kids run in a circle around me.
I couldn't outrun them. It was pointless. Every time I tried, I found 3-4 of them next to me, scurrying like crabs across a beach.

Now it was more like rugby. I had on me the clinger and some kid to whom I had to reiterate why we dont bite other people.
And through all this, leaf blower sneaks in from under my legs and takes the ball. He trips over my feet.
"Foul! Penalty Shot!"
"You tripped over my foot by yourself, how is that foul?"
"Uncle, this is cheating, its foul!"
"No, leaf blower, fair is fair. Play continues."

With my firm response, leaf blower throws a small tantrum and runs off the field.
I continue playing with the kids, who now get the idea they're winning.
And then leaf blower comes onto the field with someone. His dad.

I had a heart to fist chat with him.

This time I didn't want to be the big man and give in,I wanted to reason with him about the importance of kids understanding fair play and being a good loser too.
But I changed my mind. I had to be the big man again. And only because,
He was the bigger man.

From then on I did what every grown-up could do when kids play.
I cheered.

Treating Her Right

2009-05-29T21:48:00.001+05:30

Two guys who are bored, stand on a crowded street.

Guy in the know (GITK)
Guy Clueless (GC)

GC: Look at that! A hot piece if I ever saw one.

GITK: Yeah!, She almost shines like the sun!

GC: I wish I had her. I just can't afford her.

GITK: You could. You just need to know how to treat her right.

GC: Yeah, like you'd know.

GITK:It so happens I do.

GC: What? Tell me!

GITK: They are very sensitive. And respond to the slightest touch.

GC: Respond?

GITK: Yeah, they make the softest sound. Moaning almost.

GC: Really? So I can go on banging her and hammering her?

GITK: What? No way! She's no toy! Just pick on her ,but not too much.

GC: Why not too much?

GITK: One day she'll just snap and you'll really get hurt. Thats why.

GC: Oh Ok. Tell me more.

GITK: Well, be very careful about the G-String. Its pretty thin and difficult to reach.

GC: Well, I can just pluck at it, right?

GITK: Yes, she'll really make a sound then.

GC: Nice!

GITK: See you just try it and see the sound she makes. The better the sound, the better you treat her. Its just that simple.

GC: And how exactly would I do that?

GITK: There are books all over the internet. And online tutorials.

GC: They have tutorials for this stuff?

GITK: Of course, many of them use it!

GC: So basically I have to finger her right.

GITK: Yeah, its all in the fingering. You may get tired of it. Even bored. But the sounds she makes would give you sheer pleasure.

GC: What if I get bored of her?

GITK: You could go for another, but you got to start all over again getting your finger in the right spot.

GC: Yeah, but I guess I could never stick to one. What do I do if I get bored of this one?

GITK: Get an electric one. Don't forget the amp.

I have started practicing guitar everyday now. I can play The Phantom of the Opera (To scare him off), The Sounds of Silence (To appreciate when I'm not playing) and even Jingle Bells (To make him fall off the roof).

This post is an inspiration from a friend who literally loves the guitar. I think he'll marry one and they'll have many,many violins together.

My Girlfriend was against my putting this up saying I have a perverted sense of humor.
Oh Well.

1985 - Unlikely Diet

2009-05-29T21:21:00.002+05:30

1993 - Unfair Unfair

2009-05-29T21:19:00.002+05:30

'Ass' you like it

2009-05-09T10:40:00.004+05:30

There are multiple roles that one can play at the work place. (Or work at the play place).

Now while at the IT industry, these roles are more familiar to me I find that there are a few more roles that are seen but never spoken about.
These are the kind that apply to any kind of work place.

ROLES:

SMART Ass

This is one of those famous roles played by most freshers who think they know too much. They probably do but being humble about it isn't one of their strengths. Speaking out of line is also one of very popular qualities of this role.

You sit and watch your senior working. He says you don't eat properly. He compares you to a stick figure in a activity diagram. Now, instead of staying quiet and smiling, a SMART ASS would typically add to it by saying, I can swim too! (Ref. swim lanes in activity diagram).
Sorry about the IT humour. I'll try to keep it general.

WISE Ass

Another famous role in the workplace. This type never takes work seriously. Its all a joke to him. He would get the job done, but he'd make wise cracks about it.
On the other hand,
This type of person is fun to have around and would make the place more lively and not to mention entertaining. Provided you don't work with your 'NO NONSENSE' boss in the next room. You could probably make other people stop working too.

LAZY Ass

This type needs no introduction. He just sits on his ass all day not getting anything done. Sort of like a politician. Not only does he reduce productivity. He also complains all day about his job, work and even a fly in his soup. These kind of people could however work smart if not hard.
Staring at the computer screen, sleeping with eyes open like a fish is a very good example.

KISS Ass

Another Role that needs no introduction. This type of person plays doormat,floor mat and shoe lick to everyone in the office. Probably gets places too. Self-Respect isn't in the dictionary sometimes.

DUMB Ass

Almost found in every work place. Just when you expect a serious and sensible answer, this guy chooses to speak! A typical slap your forehead (and his) type of moment ensues.
20 % of all project teams, as I've recently discovered, comprise these rare people.

KICK Ass

The Exact opposite of Dumb Ass. These people ARE the no nonsense people we talked about. They will ensure they get the job done, kick you for lying around and definitely slap you on the back of your head. Believe me, I know. They do that.

So now we have covered all the possible roles at the work place. If you know any more please share..
This post may have been a Pain-in-the-ass I'm sure you'll see that there is a lot of truth here.
After a very stringent analysis, I find that I'm 50% Wise Ass,30% Smart Ass and 20% Dumb Ass.
I'm so proud. (Tear in eye.)

Tamagotchi Theory

2009-05-05T21:27:00.001+05:30

Our Hero has been part of a lover's spat. (As in, a lover almost spit on him).

Now while our Hero tries his best to appease her, he couldn't help come up with a new theory.
He loves making theories (that make no sense) and after the older one, he just couldn't help himself.
So he comes up with an all new one.
Now while there seems no reason why this would even relate to a tiff, our Hero seems hellbent on explaining this.

Our Hero assumes here that everyone here knows what a Tamagotchi is and has had one in their childhood,or even now. (Our Hero isn't judging).

If you are not in the know.

Our Hero found out that love is very similar to a growing tamagotchi. (He further refers to this lover as a tamagotchi)
You have no nurture it, feed it and care for it and at other times play with it or just clean up the shit.

The latter is why the theory even came into being.
While playing around could please the tamagotchi ,it could also spell doom. (Thats when you'll need to clean up the shit).

Premise to theory

Tamagotchi sad. You feed it. Tamagotchi Happy.
Tamagotchi sad. You play with it. Tamagotchi Happy.
Tamagotchi sad AGAIN. You feed /play with it 3-4 times. Tamagotchi STILL sad.
Tamagotchi dies.
RESET button pushed.

Lover sad. Kissey kissey message. Lover happy.
Lover VERY sad. 3-4 kissey kissey message. Lover still sad.
RESET button pushed.

Theory

No matter how well you treat your tamagotchi (Your love), it will still die. Till it is reset. And killed again.

Outcome of theory

DISEASE:
Multiple kissey kissey messages, never work on a very angry lover.
(Immunity gained).

CURE:
Narration of Tamagotchi Theory (translated into over 45 languages) to the affected lover. (Sanity Lost)

Some things that can be assumed about the theory and its Creator:

1.) Our Hero is fantastic.
2.) The theory is fantastic.
3.) Our Hero isn't one of the lovers.
4.) The lovers definitely don't love our Hero.
5a.) The theory deeply moved the lovers. They made up.
5b.) They realized no tiff was worth hearing this.
6.) They took a united stand. (Against the Hero).
7.) Its better to have had a tamagotchi and lost it than never have a tamagotchi at all.
8.) Our Hero gets spit on after all.

A Hole in One

2009-04-30T07:50:00.000+05:30

No, this isn't about golf.
Except for the fact that a little 'birdie' told my parents that I wanted to get my ears pierced.
She's gonna get hurt real bad. (Russel Peters Influence).

Now, now don't get all shocked and all.
I don't want to transition to the other side.
As the title says, just one of them. The right one.

When I say right I actually mean the left. You see the left is right and the right wrong. The right ear holds many a meaning, as I've learned recently.
The ear could be responsible for balance, never heard it was responsible for orientation too.

So now I have decided to get the only ear 'left' pierced. (I gotta stop this don't I?)
I had almost got a sanction from the higher authorities with very exquisite reasoning being,

Why Can't I?

Now I tell my parents that there is nothing wrong with getting an ear pierced. And while mom was OK with it initially and sis backed me up,dad vetoed it!
And like a nice coalition party the other two turned on me.

Dad's Reasoning:

He doesn't like it. And it would hurt him.

Yes, very valid, I might add. I definitely wouldn't want to hurt him. But the reasoning is, however, without argument. So I reiterate my request, saying I have no other bad habits that he could speak of and there was nothing wrong with this.
I cross reason, with him saying that while a nose-ring on a girl really turns me off, it would ultimately be the girl's wish and there was nothing wrong with it.
He asks me not to get a nose-ring either.

Mom's Reasoning:

Ask your father.

Yeah, Right. She further adds, "Nee ekreme nariyave kadhe kuthere".(Tamil Pun)
Hmph.

Sister's Reasoning:

You'd look like a punk.

Yes, yes everyone guy's dream goal. I don't know she went to the other extreme, cause I definitely wasn't planning on a Mohawk.
Yet.

It wasn't like I wanted heavy pieces of metal hanging from cartilage. It was going to be a simple 'kadhkan'.
I found that it was done by iyer boys in the early days, why not maintain some tradition? :D

So I'm in a dilemma.
Not whether I want to do it, but whether its only my family that feels this way.
I would like some feedback on your thoughts and maybe you could change my mind about it before next week.
My dad would probably come to kill me,if I went through with it.
It would take him 27 hours to come down to India,
and in that time,
Something's gonna get punctured real bad.
(And I dont mean my pride.I really have to stop watching Russell Peters).

NOTE:

I would exercise urgency,
I am very upset. They have asked me to work this weekend. I had a nice trip planned. With friends, to Goa and Mangalore. I had to cancel.
Believe me, I'm very upset. I could cut a hole in anything right about now.

Ma, I'm Home!

2009-04-25T13:20:00.001+05:30

THEN:

Finally, I'm Home.
After a long time I see my folks. I guess I last saw my mom and sis two months ago. (They were in the gulf).
Its always nice to be home. Especially, after the Bangalore traffic and long working hours.(Yes, I practically stay at office now).

I was home in Coimbatore, last month. Yes, an empty house. With no one to receive me.
Except maybe some roaches who thought they found a new home.
I ain't a good landlord. They were out on the streets very soon.

I sit here writing this, with a borrowed laptop, just to share my joy!
Its perfect.
Mom keeps running around trying to keep her ONLY son satisfied.
Now I had to only suggest,I'd want something and she'd be running around like a highly paid bell boy.
Sorry, for the poor comparison, mom. You know I'd never use a bell.

Thats how it always was. I'd have my favorite food for lunch,dinner and those extra midnight snacks your mom knows you love. A fully-stocked fridge. (Yes, direction to a man's heart is usually through his stomach or the plumbing is all wrong).

All this makes you feel like you're a long lost son returning from a war, they never thought they'd see you again.
Fort Minor's 'Where'd you go?' would set the right tone/mood for this post now.

Much to my sister's displeasure, I sat there like a pampered king. I din even have to get up off bed for breakfast.
Ah, good times.

NOW:

I enter home, to a more-formality type of hug, from mom.
Attendance at sis room has been given.
Marked absent.
I usually sleep for 3-4 hours after I'm back. So I hit the sack.

I lie on the comfortable bed and almost doze off when I hear...

"You'll have to pick Sruti up from her friend's house. Then go to the bank to sort out the account problem, after that you have to get me some groceries and then go have my computer fixed."

"But Ma, I'm dead tired."

I tried to tell her I had bus lag.

"Parava ille (No Problem), sleep for 10 minutes, have a bath and then leave."

I get up,have a bath, sit down for breakfast. A feast I might add.

Sruti sits at the kitchen, pouring me a glass of juice saying "You should have seen the look on your face."

The Fridge is fully stocked. Mom is already picking up after me.
The Prince has indeed returned.

Home IS where the heart is.
No matter how much I pretend I don't miss it.

Ode on a Gracious Urn

2009-04-21T12:21:00.000+05:30

I remember a time, when there was a long holiday and my parents just couldn't stand me at home.
They had decided, that summer camp was the only reprieve to my shenanigans.
I was put into a camp that included fencing,swimming and others (Any which ensured I came back like a dead log,Ya, my parents laughed about it).
Among these was pottery.
Now, like most guys,I'm short on patience.
And as I found out, pottery required it, that and very deft hands.

Now while this class did not include any of the fun stuff like the actual baking or the burning-to-cinders of flint, I did learn theoretically, about pots-
Earthenware,stoneware and porcelain and how they differed when baked at different temperatures.
I even listened, but never registered facts about how much feldspar and flint content was used in clay and controlled baking.

Well before I ramble on about this unnecessary information let me get on with my story.

I sat in front of my pot. Clueless.
I looked at the potters wheel. The lump of clay that sat on it, my leg on the pedal that controlled the electric motor and still never flinched.

"Son, are you not interested in making pots?"

The instructor, had made his way over to me.
How he found me hiding I didn't know.

"Well Sir, I dont know how to begin."

He then proceeded to explain opening, flooring, pulling and turning.
All this while his hands moved, like under a spell, carefully constructing a simple pot.
Seemed so easy.

He must have done this for years. He must have been real 'urn'est (Sorry, couldn't help myself).

He placed another lump. And asked me to get started.
Then he whispered in my ears.
"Son, you seem to have potential to do great things. Let me teach you separately. Go to the front and take my wheel there. I will teach you first hand."

I knew there was a catch for his interest in me.
He spent the day explaining the various shapes that make up the pot.

"You know Vivek, every pot tells a story. Based on every shape you use to create your transition."
There's a lot of stuff to know about pots. I'll just skip through it and bank that you'd read up on it later anyway.

The Cylinder
"If you use this shape in your pot. It shows a continuity. The readiness to express linear thought."

The Disc
"This shows that you believe in a solid foundation and believe in forming a basis before proceeding in life"

The Sphere
"Using this signifies, belief in looking at the whole picture, in a wholeness in any situation."

I still looked at him like he was off his rocker.

"And the perfect poetry that is created when you combine these shapes in a perfect combination, defines who you really truly are. Your thoughts are manifested in your pot. Your future, your past is written right here. "

He said this pointing at the lump of clay on the wheel.

Did he just say my name was mud?

He started up the wheel for me. And moved my hands for me. Carefully doing the flooring and the opening.
With time I could do it by myself.

According to him, I could forge whole epics right about now.

Well now that I had my skills and the backing of a total lunatic. I could feel a new found strength.
I decided to make an ultimate urn. With a very complex transition.

I should have started with a basic mattka but no, I was Michelangelo now, wasn't I?

I started and my excitement seemed to push the pedal harder, hence turning the wheel harder hence forcing my molding faster. I had to keep up now. Couldn't get my feet to stop too.

Creation of genius had begun.

Unfortunately, I lost control. The clay flew off the wheel and splattered many a face.

He came up to me.

"Vivek, remember I told you every pot makes a story? Don't worry, yours says one too."

I looked relieved. He's a swell guy ain't he?

"Does it show, I am a wild stallion and in life and could never be suppressed or controlled. I had to be unleashed?"

"No, no you just suck at making pots."

Thats why I had to stop reading too much John Keats, (who's poem title I've tweaked).

If Beauty is truth and truth, beauty; My pot showed only truth.
Hmph.

Uncommon Form of Cricket

2009-04-17T20:09:00.000+05:30

It is a something you'll never see in a cricket match.
At least ones that are televised.

It is the 'Common' Cricket.

Now those of you who are frequent players of this game, will find this terminology used many a time in the field. Never in big time cricket, oh no, this is one of those rare forms of cricket, even littler than the little league.
Now you may think that 20-20 was the last straw, but believe me. This form of cricket exists.
It is played all over the world. People play it and still not know they're playing it!
This form has been popular since its inception in the early...Um...ok wait thats beside the point.

Anyway, before I begin, let me say that I am the first to document(yes, this very post) and describe fully this form of cricket. And if it does come to exist in modern day international,televised cricket;I have a 80% stake in the profits.

In need of proper nomenclature, I dub this form of cricket - Uncommon Cricket International or UCI (Well, if there's ODI...).
Yes, very imaginative, I know.

Description

Now before you start road-rolling me with questions on Power plays and the D-L system, let me tell you that the game follows the same rules as that of modern day cricket. The only difference is the addition of a player to the teams. Yes, One player for both teams.
This is the rarest player in a cricket team.
We call him the 'Common'.
He is also known by many other interesting names such as the Extra, the Joker, etc.

Conditions Required to play this form of Cricket

Now as I've stated earlier, there are certain conditions required to play this game.

1.) There HAS to be odd number of players.
2.) Number of overs planned such that the 'Common' makes no difference to the teams.
3.) The Common should not be biased. Though this occurs, due to bribery and cute girls, we have handled it by adding a fool-proof method of selection.

Selection of the Common

Now, while this form of cricket is fun, the selection automatically happens.

1.) The last person standing after team selection.
2.) The least athletic person in the group.
3.) The ONLY person who's presence in the team makes no difference.
4.) The person who most resembles the 'Michellin Man' or the 'Pilsbury Dough Boy'.

Transitioning to 'Common' Cricket

Now it be difficult for certain people to branch out to this form of cricket. Let me tell you that it will be the most fun you've seen.
Sights like a wrecking ball running down the pitch, a blob of jelly floating in the outfield, as well the sights of fielding done will have you in tears (Tears of Joy or Sorrow depending on how seriously you take the game).

You will find this game a stunning entertainer and its only a matter of time before, it hits the big screens.

Watch out for it! Likely to blow the IPL Away!

Once again, since its I who has documented this popular sport and currently seeking patents for migration to other team sports, I will keep 50% of stakes and donate the rest to charity.
Shares of my company can be purchased online.
If however, for no fault of my own, people find this to be totally bogus,I deny all knowledge of such a company and this post is just a common observation by a random traveler.

1982 - Rabid Driver

2009-04-17T19:27:00.000+05:30

1987 - Short Stories

2009-04-17T19:23:00.001+05:30

Shadowed at Night

2009-04-14T18:28:00.000+05:30

I walked outside at night, every night.
I walked away from home for about 2-3 kms.
It was a routine walk. With friends, enjoying the silence in the cool Bangalore breeze.

Today, however was different. I didn't have my friends with me. Being Ingeniously Nincompoopish (oxymoron, nice word ain't it?), I decided to go anyway.

I walked down the street, from my house, towards the lone colony that stood at the end. It had clean streets and no weird noises.
I had been walking for the nearly half an hour. A Maruti car had its headlights on, at the end of the street. It drove down the street and took the left in the street ahead of me.
It was extremely slow. It seemed like, someone in the car, was looking at me.
I am generally a very brave guy.
And I lie like hell.
I was nearly shitting bricks.
I wasn't very paranoid, but this had me a little jittery.

Again since I was IN (Refer previous oxymoron) , I decided to continue my walk.
I tried to get my mind off the very suspicious car and its driver.
I walked into a street which I was familiar with. It was the least dark of all the streets.
It had ONE whole street lamp standing guard.

Very Comforting.
I saw the street houses and tried to think about the best looking houses in the street.
It wasn't easy, since light was hard to come by and the structure of the house was purely left to imagination.
It was very clear, that the left side of my brain, had gone into hiding.
Don't ask me how I know, maybe its because I could not move my right side too well or that my imaginative side didn't seem to function.
I couldn't hear from the left side well too. Mainly because there was nothing to hear.

Suddenly, it dawned on me. My sheer idiocy could spell doom for me.
It was silly of me to go out for a walk alone.
Why-O-Why do I run on a slow processor?

I turned around. Now I had to walk down dark streets to get back.
All images of movies that I regret watching came up,
Please let there be no Stoneman Murderers in Bangalore.

I hastened my pace. All the time thinking about which organ of mine, they could sell for the highest price.
Maybe, If I offered one kidney, they would let me keep the other. I could throw in a ear and an eye too.
OK, I had to stop being negative. There is no one out there to get you.
I kept saying this to myself.

I was nearly jogging now.
I took a parallel street which had more lighting and continued. At the end of the street, I saw it.

The Maruti Car!
It turned from the street into this very one!

My mind started to race. The car wasn't moving fast. It was too slow.
With some reflection I noticed two figures in the car.
It was headed for me. It was as if they were playing with me.

Maybe I could just stand still and it would just drive by.
And while I was being so optimistic, they would give me a lift home,after buying me ice cream.

I walked away. Hoping I could hide somewhere before they reached here. But if they were playing wouldn't they drive faster if I started running?

NO! I couldn't run. I was Brave. I would hold my ground. Another trait of being IN was the stupidity, I discovered.
The car was almost upon me. I couldn't go anywhere even if I wanted to.
I decided to take a stand. I picked up a huge lead pipe lying in the ditch nearby.
I held it, thinking, which was the optimum way to swing and not get tired.

I remembered all those action flicks. How they'd easily dish out blows. I could try an imitation.
Man, if only they'd send me a good stunt double.

It was time. The car had reached me. Who was I kidding?
I couldn't be an action hero! The max I could do was calculate how much they would get for each properly functioning organ.
I could break the windshield. And then run like hell.

I raised my stick, it now shone in the head light beam. I ran towards the car.
I could scream, like in brave heart, but nothing came out.
The car just jerked and stopped. I heard a scream.

Then the person in the passenger seat, got out. A burly man in a kurta.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?"

I bold this text up, because it was loud. I thought that was how they incapacitate their prey.

Nothing came out. I stood like a statue. Long enough, for pigeons to realize.
A girl got out of the driver's seat. She looked shocked.

I tried to run. No, not because of the girl, but the man was walking towards me. I had dropped the pipe.

Finally, I had the strength to say, "Why were you following me?"

After a brief discussion, I was dropped home. And yes, we did go have some juice first.
It was all just a misunderstanding, My paranoia taking over.

I did learn my lesson though, Never go walking alone at night.
Its dangerous; you could be kidnapped, slaughtered or worst of all find out,
that there was a very pretty lady, learning how to drive from her very strong father.

Now, why in the middle of the night, was beyond me. But why argue when there's juice being offered from a very spirited father and yes, did I mention a very pretty girl?

Dear Dad

2009-04-06T12:15:00.001+05:30

19-11-2017

Dear Dad,

I know its been long. I would love to say I've been busy with work and I couldn't find time to talk to you and all but you've probably already have forgiven me. You'd always ask me to think nothing of it. That's the great thing about you, Dad, always simplifying the complicated.
I suddenly realized I didn't, in all these years , say anything remotely related to thanks.

I know , I wasn't exactly a model son and I didn't exactly try hard to be one too. Still you told me , nay, you let it go saying most sons weren't. You kept saying you were happy I turned out fine, even though you expected so much more of me. I wished after all these years I'd make you feel happy or proud. And the best thing was, you'd say you were and that too with undoubted sincerity, so much so, that I would feel I didn't disappoint.

It was you who told me, that I had to find myself. Define who I was and the only person I shouldn't let down was - me. I know what it means. I did do what I felt like doing, did it the way I wanted to and guess what? Things are just perfect now.

I remember how you'd tell me about lessons, I could only learn with experience. You told me about living life, making love and about leaving a legacy. How could I forget it all?

I did learn and I did improve. Eventually. You told me never to drink, smoke , do drugs or women. It was hard at first. You know dad, early years, high testosterone and all that. I did fight off temptation. It was worth it.
These times I specially remember.

When I was 5. You told me how to handle my first bully.
You told me to hold my own and not fight back. I tried my best dad, I really did. I fought back instead. It didn't matter now. I'm stronger now and I find it easy to fight for what I believe in. You were upset I remember, however short lived.

Then when I was 7. My first 'batman' puzzle. I couldn't do it. I couldn't finish it. But I couldn't sleep either. Remember dad? We stayed up till the wee hours to get it done. I even remember you saying many years later, that you wished I were still like that. I assure you, dad, nothing changed much.

You helped me in my education. You let me go on my road of choosing but never let me stray too far. It meant a lot dad. You showed me the world, teaching me along the way how to be a better global citizen. It helped.

Oh well, you'd probably know about my youth. You even told me about the girls. You told me that in time the girls would run after me. You even told me never to break hearts or play with emotion. I tried my best dad. But I guess, this was one of those things you would only learn with experience. I even appreciate the warning you gave me about marriage. Funny Dad, real funny.

I have to get back to work now , Dad. Being a published writer is hard work. Maybe, you'd find time to pick up one of my books and tell me without holding back, how proud of me you are. I know you are anyway. I have found support in a great wife. Don't worry Dad,I still remember, how you found her for me.

And now I find I need to thank you again. You found me the girl. Even though I told you I was perfectly capable of doing it myself. You asked me to trust you and I did. She's perfect dad. Everything I could hope for. We do have our ups and downs but I now understand, it was inevitable.
I only hope it'd stay that way. Love sometimes can be so fickle.
I know, you meant well and always did your best to look out for me but, I would like to ask you dad, didn't you find it necessary to tell me that I ALWAYS had to say nice things about her parents?

Say hi to Mom. Thank her for the sweets. The kids loved it. And also , thanks for the Tie. It just arrived this morning. I never did think you'd forget my birthday.You never would. Even if you did, for all those things you've done for me, I'd forgive you anyway.

Forever and Always,
Your Loving Son.

Locked In

2009-04-03T12:40:00.000+05:30

Disclaimer:
Locked-In Syndrome is a documented Medical Condition.

I was lying on some Hospital bed pan.
Funny, I don't remember getting here.
Was it an accident on my way to work. I know those VOLVO drivers were a little trigger happy with the brake but to this extent?

Maybe I could ask the nurse what happened?
I couldn't speak. It hurt to move anyway. I could gesture with my eyes.
She was looking right into my eyes.
She didn't seem to care. She called for a doctor.

Finally! He'll give me some answers.

He walked in and looked at me nonchalantly.
I heard the nurse say something about my eyes moving.

"That's normal. He's not among the living. His brain will be useful for transplant."

WHAT?

I'm right here, I wished I could say. I couldn't feel my muscles.
Couldn't lift a finger. Literally.

Man, If this was a game of London Statue...

OK, No time for jokes. You're in quite a bit of a situation.
Lets turn the clock back. What were you doing before you got here?

The Last thing I could remember was doing a presentation for work.

I don't think that killed you.

I had no time to play wit with my conscience. I had to find out how I got here.
And more than that, how to get out.

Maybe I could signal to one of the doctors. Let him know I have control over my brain.

Should I collect firewood for smoke signals or do you have a flare gun?

OK, Fine I had no control over my body, except maybe my eyes.

And if you'd stop checking that nurse out we'd probably be able to use those too.

Maybe I could catch the eye of one of those doctors and blink rapidly and slowly so it wouldn't seem random. That would definitely get his attention.

Use Morse and send out an SOS?

Now, how would I catch his eye? He seemed least interested in me. Maybe if I were a pretty girl my chances would be better.

Believe me,If you were a pretty girl, your eyes would be the last thing he'd look at.

I had to get his attention.
I moved my eyes rapidly like from the movie 'Anniyan' . Then around.

How is this NOT random?

Whatever I had done, it seemed to have caught his attention.
He walked over. Took out a torch light and looked into my eyes.
Something interested him.
He called for a consult.

The other doctor, (A brighter looking one) sat next to me and asked me to blink once for yes and twice for no.
"Can you hear me?"
I blinked Once.
"Do you remember getting here?"
I blinked twice.

A great time to be playing 20 Questions, don't you think?

I tried to look questioningly. Like I wanted answers.
He understood.
"You were in a car crash. You had some head trauma. But with time I think you'll be better."

Relief was visible in my eyes.
Not only because I'd live but because I didn't have to make the ruddy presentation.

A while later.
"I don't think you'll make it out. You're stuck in there. No voluntary movements can be made.
We are working with some new technology , that allows you to move a cursor on a screen across various objects hence increasing your life by a few months or so."

Stephen Hawking Style.

I can't be a programmed vegetable! I wanted my freedom!

"Oh , yeah. One more thing. Once you've been trained using the machine, you'd have to give your presentation.Boss's orders"

You're kidding me right?

This seemed highly unreasonable!
It had to be a dream.

It was.
I awoke with a start.
I was in my bed and it was still dark out.
I decided to never watch 'House MD' before going to sleep again.

Paths of Glory - A Silent Glory

2009-03-30T17:05:00.001+05:30

I just got my hands on this book a few days back.
I finished it in a day.
No, that's not the glory I want to talk about.
Archer is out with yet another try-to-put-me-down-if-you-can-book.
This time its about Glory unknown of.

He writes in his new found style, though slightly diminished in pace, this story about the life about a man on his way to glory.

The story talks about a young boy, destined for glory, and the steps he takes to get to where he wants to be.

STORYLINE:

He always had a love for climbing. He was skilled and loved a challenge.
His greatest was unforgiving Mt Everest. He didn't directly try to conquer her. He first took over all her sisters from Mont Blanc to K2.
He found love in the woman of his dreams (No, the woman of his other dreams, not the mountain), lost his friends to the mercilessness of the Mountains but still ventured forth.
Support he found, among his peers, his wife and his willingness to fight on when it seemed lost was the highlight of the novel.
It was written chronologically, from his birth upto the time he achieves his glory.

I couldn't talk about the story without asserting this one point.
Sometimes you may do everything right, plan right to the very last letter and still find that it wasn't good enough.
That didn't happen.
Sometimes you may find that you did everything right, your plan played out the way you wanted it to and still, No one could ever know about it.
This did happen.

Sometimes, you're the first to achieve greatness.
Sometimes, you gain glory, conquering your greatest enemy.
Sometimes, the no one knows about it.
Sometimes, the only proof you had , could lie buried under thousand feet of snow.
Sometimes, You wouldn't live to tell the tale.

This was the story of that kind of glory, in which, if the truth did come out, the archives of history would have had to add a name and remove another.

A 'glorious' read and another addition to my collection of books I have Titled - Blow Me Away.

I Sit Here Watching From A Park Bench

2009-03-21T12:03:00.000+05:30

I sit here, watching the world passing me by, on this park bench.

I sit here, early this morning, looking at the strangest variety of creatures, some performing their holy ablutions at the park fountain(The local flying rats a.k.a Pigeons), some throwing in a coin for wishes that couldn't come true and some just running as if they have somewhere to be.
I was neither of them.

I sit here, looking at the type of people who would call this their morning ritual site.
Joggers, Late Night Lovers, Dog-Walkers, Frisbee-Flingers, Old-Mates, Talkative-Grannies, you name it, they were here.

I sit here, a silent observer, trying to take in the fresh morning air, all the while trying my best not to judge every human that walked by. I wasn't good at it.

I sit here, watching this person, jogging; giving me a smile, rather questioningly, I might add.
He probably didn't have time to sit a while, chat about worldly affairs and the such. Probably came here everyday, gave everyone the same half-smile and went on his way. Life was too short to waste, talking about the old days.

I sit here, watching this person, Walking his dog, rather being walked by his dog. He knew no worries of the world I could surmise from his calm smile. He was Blind. He looks straight on, as if he knew what was beyond the next thicket.

I sit here, watching this young thing, a girl, run by, more out of a need to lose weight rather than the feeling of air in your face and the fast beating of the heart. Vain, she was , I think. Needing to prove to others, that she was more than all brain. She'd probably do fine.

I sit here, watching the old women, chatting while they walked, about their sons lost in some war old daughters who just wouldn't listen. Or maybe it was that soap they missed on the tele. They walked slower than the rest, of course they would, they had to return home to someone who didn't care enough to listen and this, probably , was the highlight of their day.

I sit here, watching a Frisbee, miss me by inches. The teen runs forward and jumps acrobatically over the bench. I hear a apology as he passes me by. Polite. He hasn't quite seen the world yet. It'll all change for him soon.

I sit here, watching these old men, with those padded elbowed tweed jackets, sitting on their park benches. Sitting like bookends, talking about all the good days, wondering how fun it would be if they could still run like they used to. They would've waved at me. I didn't notice.

I sit here, watching the old man, feed the pigeons with grains of old bread. They surround him like it was just another vending machine type statue. He seemed happy. He had to be happy. At least, he's giving back.

I sit here, watching the children, run and play, completely oblivious to the world around them.
They seemed so innocent and so in need of proper nurturing. I looked at them with a smile.
One of them came up to me and said , "Sir?"
It was such a sweet voice. I couldn't help but smile and nod in assertion.
Who said children should only be seen and not heard?
Who said I wrongly judged the folk that passed me by?
Why was it just this child who came up to me and spoke?

The child then smiled, his two front teeth missing.
"Sir,There's a WET PAINT sign where you're sitting right now."

1989 - How Many Sugars?

2009-03-21T11:21:00.002+05:30

1994 - Work Overload

2009-03-21T11:17:00.002+05:30

The Guns of 'Never Known'

2009-03-15T20:33:00.002+05:30

I was the last man standing.
On my side.
There were 3 of the enemy left on the other side.
The problem : They knew about it.

They had taken out my team. Every single one of them. The enemy was skilled, I could see.
I was hit on the leg. It still stung.
Luckily, they needed a head shot or a blow to chest to get rid of me.
If I fell, all was lost.
I had to overcome them.
I considered my options,

Hide under the barricade and hope they only saw a mirage?
Yeah, they could probably smell my fear from right where they were standing(Even my piss-in-the-pants evaporated out of fear, but still).

Run outside waving a white flag, screaming all along like a little girl?
Friendly fire would be a high possibility if I made it out.

Charge out like Rambo and hope you'd at least get two before you fall?
Who was I kidding, I'm sure they have their scopes poised on this very spot right about now.

The only option left - outwit them.
(Which I deemed would only be possible if I had a Magic Lamp).
Damn it.

I checked the cartridge. There was a good 20-25 shots left.
I had to ration them.
Shoot only to kill and only when I had an absolute shot.

I lay prone near the barricade. The Gun seemed unusually heavy.
I set it down and took a small peek over.
Two of them had started moving towards my position while one stayed back at a distance.

Smart. If these were to die the last guy would have a clean shot.

They had planned well. They knew all our weaknesses.
I picked up my weapon. Aimed.
I had a clean shot. One of them was lying back to my right and he hadn't seen me.
The other was nowhere to be seen.

I could kill him, but risk revealing my position?

If you don't kill him, he will kill you.

Undeniable logic my conscience possessed. I aimed at his head. He was looking away.
I fired. No recoil. No shot also though.

Turn the safety off, nitwit.

I took the shot again. It was precise. His head was smothered.
The other turned towards his teammate. I quickly strafed to the next rock by the barricade.
I was seen. I could hear a lot of splatter around me. I ran till I was shielded from both the distant and the near.

I took some wild shots at them. They still moved towards me. They seemed well trained. Like they didn't fear me.

How did they know I was a lousy shot?

I waited in position and took one well placed calculated shot.
It hit the target. He fell.
Unfortunately, I had to give up my position. The other took a shot at me.
Square in the face. It penetrated my head gear.
My mouth tasted funny.
I couldn't move. It was like I wasn't allowed to.
I had failed.

I lay on the floor, tasting the bitter liquid dripping onto my lips.
The last one came up to me.

Here to finish the job?

He knelt down beside me. His face covering the sun.

"Bhaiyya , are you OK? I hope I didn't hit you that hard."
"I'm fine."
"Want another round, Bhaiyya?"
"Same rules?"
"Yeah, we 4 against you 6. And we have only 15 paint pellets each."
"All Right. Let me spit this paint out. And pep-talk the guys."

In, my Defense :

(1) - They were junior college kids.
(2) - Paintball is sometimes bruising.
(3) - I had to pep talk the guys every round after round 12.
(4) - Pep talk is loosely translated to begging them to go another round.
(5) - The kids definitely had some training near Kargil.
(6) - My taunting had boosted their adrenalin.
(7) - The title is poor since I couldn't think up anything related to Navaronne.

Two Guys, No Girl and No Pizza Place

2009-03-04T19:36:00.000+05:30

Me : What do you mean we're not going to Dominoes? We Always go to dominoes!
Roommate (RM):Yeah, we will. I just need to buy some stuff from Reliance Fresh here.

At the Produce Section.

Me: You know how we never get anything to eat early in the morning? Lets get some serial.
RM: (I ignored a remark saying I should get some FRIENDS, a sitcom/serial. Get it?) I dont think so. we won't have proper storage and we'll have roaches.
Me: Aw, come on man, we wont have to worry about breakfast. And its healthy.
RM: That means we'll have to get milk. And we'll have to finish it or it'll spoil.
Me: Yeah, so lets get those Tetrapak Milk Cartons.
RM: That doesn't taste so good and preservatives may be a problem. Better option to get a small fridge. It's not so expensive.
Me: Fine, lets get a fridge. Now we can also get some curd and other food stuff!
RM: Yeah, we could get veges too and some cheese and butter, jam and MAYO!
Me: OK, lets not over do it. We're not opening a bed and breakfast.
RM: But think of this, we can cook and make our own meals.
Me: Forgive me,but I remember the last time you made lunch. The incident almost ended up in the newspapers.
RM: OK OK, but we can still manage a decent meal with little or no consequence.
Me: Fine, Lets get the vegetables and some butter or jam.
RM: Great!

Many a filling up of the trolley later.

Me: There has got to be a better way to handle all this. We could store cold water too. We need a bigger fridge.
RM: Done, we'll get a bigger one. We can afford it.
Me: Fine. We will need to get some utensils to eat and store food. Plastic or Stainless Steel?
RM: Both. Stainless steel for cooking and Plastic for the microwave.
Me: What? A Microwave? Are you insane? You'll be asking for an oven and gas stove then!
RM: Not required. We can get a Inductive stove. More expensive but gas-free.
Me: Not like you after a heavy meal huh? Well lets get the stove then, no microwave but. We'll get plastic containers only for storage.
RM: Great! now we need some snacks right?
Me: Yes yes OK.

NOTES:
We had at this point in time bought provisions that would rival most disaster shelters.
A fridge, an induction stove and utensils were also purchased.
We had also bought floormats, utensil cleaner and shoe polish too.
The bill makes us skip Dominoes for a very long time.
The title is a tweak of a very not so popular TV serial.
My roommate had actually wanted to buy soap.
That was the one thing we forgot.

Down but not Out

2009-02-21T18:38:00.004+05:30

I am the bearer of good news.
(Not Yet, Wait for it)
I have recently been put into a very stressful and rigorous training in software for my company.
Now while that would have absolutely no affect on me generally, Of late,I find that time is something I really am short of.
Due to this, I will not be able to put up carefully constructed posts about sheer banter. (Like the usual good ones. Did I go too far?).
I can hear you 'phewing' your reprieve.
I will put up something when I can and visit fellow bloggers' blogs and leave my 2 cents whenever possible. (You cant get rid of me that easy. Muhahahaha!)

This is where I would come up with an extremely catchy and funny finishing tag-line but somehow nothing comes to mind.
Will be back soon.

When Push comes to Shove

2009-02-13T17:45:00.001+05:30

She asked if I wanted to go out with her.
For a movie.
"Not one of those chick flicks?", I asked her.
"No. Of course not. I know you hate going out for those kinds of movies."
"I don't know. Its a big step forward for me.Its almost like we're dating."
"Oh Shut Up. Its just an outing with a friend."

I didn't want her to get the wrong idea.
But then again, I didn't want her to think I wasn't interested. It was just one of those times where you weren't ready to commit to anything yet; and still didn't want to wreck what you had.
I liked her. She knew I did. But she may have wanted more, something a bit more concrete.
Thats why I agreed.

The movie of choice was either 'Mere khwabon mein aa ja' or 'Billu Barber'.
Having first pick on which movie to go to, it was obvious that we were going to see the latter.

Our seats were at a modest location three rows from the back. Corner Seats (Thats what you get when you book a half hour before show time).
Good sound with great DOLBY throw. Very useful if she decides to get chatty, I thought.
Now being the gentleman that I was, I offered her the pick of the seats.
She chose the aisle, to my surprise.
I sat in the next seat and waited in anticipation for some thing to appear on the screen (so she wouldn't talk about the dreaded where-do-you-think-this-is-going topic).
What was it with women and this? It was only two months since we met. We were friends and she didn't seem to get that.

I waited quietly. She started talking about her day at work. I nodded along just like any friend/guy would. Act Interested, I told myself.
The nodding head was also accompanied by the 'uh-huhs' and the 'hmmms'. They worked together well, I discovered. Especially when synchronised properly.

I was also trained to nod faster whenever it seemed like the conversation was near finish. She stopped talking and asked me about my day. Now I could tell her, I rescued a baby from a burning building on the way to lunch, and helped an old lady cross the street on the way to the movies. All whilst on a telephone conference with my bosses in Germany.
She'd see right through me. Sigh.

Finally I said, " It was OK" (A regular Shakespeare, I was).
I could sense she was in thought. She was silent.
I looked at the screen.
When were they going to start those damn trailers?
Even a JOSCO jewellers ad would be fine just about now.

"So, you still think I'm only a friend?"
I prayed to all the Gods I knew (Even Loki , Thor and Odin) that this question wasn't meant for me.
Sadly, it was.
I looked at her (the old stare into her eyes to keep her guessing ploy), contemplating which was the best way of handling this.
She'd know if I deliberately change the subject. And a long, blank stare wouldn't quite cut it.
So I thought of the most diplomatic answer I could come up with.

"Its a very fluid concept. This word 'friends'. Even couples are friends."

Vivek, you doofus you're so dead.

It was like looking at a computer program that just didn't have enough inputs to give me a proper result.

Her face had the 'Insufficient Data' look. More input required.

"And,...as far as WE are concerned, I think we stand a good chance.Yup, definitely.A very good chance."

Yes, leave it hanging. Don't reveal much.
She looked a little dejected.
Best not discuss anything here, I thought.
When's the bloody show gonna start?!

She seemed normal after a while. I mean, as far as I could tell.
I never bothered to attempt 'Women Psychology 101'.
Men across the world had trouble with passing the course, I was no different.

We had a laugh at certain parts where SRK wasn't at his best. I even teased her about having the hots for the guy.
She seemed all right.
A couple sitting a row down started talking. The guy had his arm around the girl.
She saw it. I pretended not to notice.
I heard a sigh.
We were halfway through the movie and she didn't seem happy.
I didn't want to look at her face. I watched the screen. The right most corner of the screen seemed very appealing to me right then.
I felt her lean towards me. As if trying to lie on my shoulder.
I sat up straight. She couldn't reach the shoulder.
Good Save, I thought.
Maybe, If I was lucky she wouldn't figure why at this time of all times I chose to sit up.
I wasn't.
It was like a banshee waiting to be unleashed. I could almost feel the flames from her nostrils.
I was also sure the smoke out her ear would shroud the screen for the people behind us.
I didn't bother to find out.
I pretended to start a conversation about the costumes and how they seemed to get halved nowadays. A very good conversation opener, I heard.

She just said, "Yeah, I agree."
No Dice. OK, Vivek plan B.
I hoped this worked, since plan C was running for the nearest exit ASAP.

Start a topic about her office. She loves her workplace.
"So how's that guy you said worked at your office, the funny guy? Still make you laugh and flirt with you?"
"Oh, Rahul? Ya, he's stopped now. I told him I already had a boyfriend."
She said that with spite.

Nice Going, Vivek. Get moving to the exits.

I said nothing. I continued watching the movie.
She still sat looking away from the screen.

Typical her.

I knew it was only a matter of time before the silent treatment would turn into 'hmphs' that would grow louder if ignored.
Kind of like a callus that turns into a corn if left unattended.
Maybe I could say something nice. Ease the tension.

Bang Up job so far, Romeo.

Or I could do something, that would look like an act of affection like put my arm around her.
No, she would get snugly then.

I extended my hand and held hers. She moved her other hand onto mine.
I didn't want to look at her face. She'd probably read the tell-tale signs.

I could sense the deep i-will-kill-this-guy breathing mellow and turn into the usual silent one.

Damage Control Successful.

The movie was nearly over. This wouldn't last much longer.
I smiled at my sheer genius. I could leave and then everything would be just the way it was.
I'd live to fight off another onslaught.

As the movie came to the penultimate scene, I looked at her.
She would probably be better now.
Her face was not usual, in fact, she was smiling, more grinning actually.
On seeing surprise in my face, she said,
"Thats not a hand, you're holding."

I had to leave the theatre with a very happy her and a very sad me.

The Not So Fair Sex

2009-02-11T11:57:00.000+05:30

No this does not refer to me.
My friends can vouch for that.
It is not very often I find these rare insights in everyday life.
I promised a friend I'd share this.
I happened to hear this story from a friend.
It was a motor bike accident that involved a guy (The friend) and two girls travelling on a scooter.
Don't worry, none of them were injured badly. Atleast not much beyond their pride.

I'll tell you this tale through the eyes of the boy.

It was just another day, I would not do anything differently.
I took the same road I took everyday with the same cup of coffee at that same coffee place.
I love my bike. On it I feel a euphoria unlike anything in this world.
I love the wind rushing across my hair.
I took the road I always took at the speed I usually do and I saw them taking the corner.
She was driving fast. Almost beyond control.
She was heading straight for me. I could sense she was doing near 60.
So was I.
Ok, verve away I told myself. I could take the side and she'd go on right through.
No.
She was following. Like a moth to a lightbulb.
I couldn't stop it.
It was far beyond her control now.
She didn't seem to want to get her hands to the brake.
Come on girlie, stop heading straight for me.
I swerved all the way to the end of the side of the road.
She doesn't seem to change direction.
Like a ship heading for the Iceberg.
Starboard captain!
No, its too late.
WHAM!
Right on the front too!
Right into me.
I get thrown off with the bike behind me.
But gravity you mean son-of-a-bitch...
I hit the ground. The bike I see in slow-motion (adrenalin could do that to you) twisting and moves from below to above me.
I would have noticed that the girl was fine. She was just finding her sea-legs.
CRUNCH!
The bike landed on my leg. I felt a cut into my back. (Now would probably be a good time to mention that the bike was a Royal Enfield Bullet).
I heard the sound of various bike parts cracking and breaking.
I was still very aware.
I didn't think I was losing blood. I didn't actually notice.
There was a crowd forming. It was all just blurs actually.
The girl, I could see, was getting up and sat squat on the middle of the road.
She had no visible injuries. But she seemed dazed. The Other was just collecting herself. None on her either.
The scooter was still lying on the street.
God sure was mean.
I noticed a few of the crowd walking towards me, and like a straight line robot they turn and go to the girls.
I could probably lift the bike, na who was I kidding I couldn't move my leg.
Heck, I couldn't feel my leg.
Hello? Could someone help me out with this. Its getting a bit too heavy, I could say.
But nothing came out.
People lifted up the scooter and propped it up against the wall. I'm sure they would have wax polished it too had there been time.
Think like a snake, use all your muscles and push it off.
I used all my strength and pushed the bike of me.
Wow, my leg is still here, Sigh.
Nearby auto drivers scrambled around the girls like she was a prospective customer. Well, I guess she was.
I somehow managed to call a friend. He'll pick me up.
I got to my feet. Atleast I tried to. No broken bones yet. Thats a good sign I thought.
A few of the people came up to me.
"You're not going anywhere. You have to tell the police what happened."
Nothing came out again. I though they would notice the blood.
"Its all your fault", another one claimed.
Something about monetary payments followed. It didn't register.
The girls looked at me. There were atleast five to each girl and ten to me. A very unfair ratio in my case. For all the wrong reasons.
One of the girls gets up and starts saying sorry , almost everywhere, like a trained waitress asking "how may i serve you?".
I was in her list, so I guess no hard feelings.
But I had more pressing issues. While I was being put into the damn near gallows these girls were being shipped off for their royal baths, I presumed.
The Colleague turned up and saved me. He handled the crowd well.
I took solace in finding out that there did happen to be a few on-lookers who took me side.
None of the people who mattered anyway.
I was shuttled away by my friend.
I could face the consequences another day.

Well, there you have it. There's the story and I hope I told it almost as well as he would have wanted to.
There are these moments when you feel sorry for the way women are treated in this world. Being called the weaker sex and all, seemed unfair. But somehow being the fairer sex played to their advantage and at the time they were all helpless and in the damsel-in-distress mode.
All this isn't specific to all women, It would be wrong of me to claim so.
But there are times when you see me men reacting in favour of the 'better-side'.
Blinded by beauty?
Have, We, all men, really become the weakened sex?

1988 - Maths made Easy?

2009-02-11T11:34:00.000+05:30

The Tooth is Out there

2009-02-07T15:44:00.001+05:30

It was not often I go to the Dentist. No, I don't say I have exquisite oral hygiene, but they (The Dentist) tend to over-exaggerate a simple problem. A build up of Tartar which could most likely be dealt with a very skilled sculptor would be put through rigorous tests that would lighten the wallet as well as end up in the summoning of a not so well-equipped sculptor.

I had an accident, all right they happen from time to time but this is the first time I had one that resulted in gnashing of gum (Not chewing gum, Didn't have any with me at the time) on my lower Jaw.
Now you may ask me what accident could have possibly resulted in such an injury, but my lips are sealed (Due to the dentist visit) .

Rumor has it, that I was slapped on the face (By Godzilla?) , but of course it was a motor vehicle accident that left me in this predicament.

So a visit to the all knowing dentist came.

Dentist: Well, Vivek, is it? Tell me what happened?

Vivek: I had a little accident. (With mouth open and pointing to the torn gum)

No it wasn't as funny as it looked.

Dentist: Ah. I see. That looks a bit serious. How did it happen?

She feigned concern.

Vivek: It was a motor bike accident. Rammed into a nearby wall while driving at 70kmph.

I left out the fact that it was actually a scooty pep and that the 'wall' was a ditch that had dead leaves and other unmentionables in it. Oh well, She didn't need to know.

Dentist:Oh thats very sad. You only got this injury?

Whats with the third degree?

Vivek: And a bruised leg. Its better now.

Maybe she couldn't figure at what angle I would have to fall for this injury to occur. Dentists were never mathematicians.

Dentist: Oh Good. So what do you want me to do now?

Hello? Does fixing my problem rank somewhere up there?

Vivek: Sorry, I don't understand.

I was smart, I hid it very well too.

Dentist: No, I mean there are two solutions. I could cut it off for you now, but there would be pain later as the raw skin is very sensitive. The other solution would be using your finger to massage the gum into place every day and rinsing with saline water for the next 2-3months.

I'm SO lucky I had to come see a dentist, why didn't I just got to a massage therapist?

Vivek: Um, I don't think I could bare this pain that long. It hurts a lot. Could we go ahead with the slicing it off?

Please oh Please let there be a strong anesthetic.

Dentist: Yes, all right. I'll inject this local anesthetic and we'll wait for it to kick in.

Couldn't you just knock me out?

5-7 minutes later I was definitely aware of the dead side on the left side of my face.

Dentist: Shall I proceed? Is it ok?

Vivek: Schlect (That was YES in my head, my jaw wasn't responding well while passing it on to my mouth).

Apparently my dentist knew German (Schlect = Bad).
She injected some more anesthetic into my already numb gums.

Dentist: Ok, just relax. This won't hurt a bit.

Said the dentist as she brandishes her sword a bit too close to my eye.
Why o Why didn't I ask to review her medical license?

I felt a flurry of hands as two (yes two) assistants held various metallic pencils to my mouth trying to keep it open. I'm sure had my mouth been big enough they would have used my lower lip as a foot stool while completing the procedure.

What is it with asking me open wider when its all numb?

It was done in a second. A quick cut. The cut skin lying on the pan there relieved my tension.

Good, they got the right piece. My tongue was still attached at the right end.

Dentist: See? All better. Has the pain gone?

Apparently the anesthetic was just for show.

Vivek: Yes, I don't feel anything. (This wasn't said as crisply as I would have wanted it)

Is my mouth dead?

Dentist: Good to hear. Now don't poke at it with your tongue or anything.

Lady, I cant even move my tongue.

Vivek: Thanks a lot.

After the payment was made and as I was leaving,

Dentist: Don't eat anything for today. Anyways it doesn't look like you'll need it.

The last thing I needed. A wise guy.

I left the dentist fuming.
I would have had a good come back but the dentist was well prepared.
My lips were indeed sealed.

Taking No Chances on Luck

2009-02-01T14:10:00.000+05:30

Its not often I find a movie that would appeal to me on all levels (not unless it was a nice action flick with violence, drugs and nudity). But, at this one particular movie I found myself pleasantly surprised.

Initially I thought the movie was more on the lines of Fashion (which describes the Fashion industry) and depicted the workings of the Indian Film Industry. When the movie started I wasn't expecting more than the usual this-is-how-it-works-and-this-is-what-can-happen story.

STORYLINE:

Farhan Akhtar plays a struggling actor who looks for a break. He finally gets it and the movie progresses towards his handling his new found fame and how it affects him. But there is another actress (Konkana Sen) who further brings about aspects of the industry that make this movie Spot On!

There are appearances from many WELL-SETTLED actors of the industry each with their own inputs.

Some dialogues were a bit ok-we-get-the-point-go-on but still managed to keep me interested.

Incidently , this movie script was ready as far ago as in the year 2000 but there weren't any takers (at the time) and the movie never got made. Imagine getting lucky by Chance.

Angles why this movie made it to my good books (There aren't many in here):

MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS BUT YOU'D WANT TO WATCH THE MOVIE ANYWAY

ANGLE #1:
You Make your Own Luck:

There was always a hint of trying to bring out that if you want anything YOU have got to go get it. Especially parts where Akhtar's character says "I don't believe in Destiny, I only believe in Me."
He does not ever claim he gets lucky. He simply does what is required to get to where he has to be.
Another line I liked in the movie was that , you have to just walk your own road and you'll find that everything you want will appear on the sides.

ANGLE #2:
It doesn't always work out the way you planned:

The other interesting aspect was that you could try as hard as you wanted, do everything right and still get nothing.
Konkana Sen depicted the character that did everything that could have been done to land her her break but still nothing stuck.

ANGLE #3:
Meeting the right people and making the right impression:

Now ANY industry works this way. You have to meet the right people and give them the right impression. Now Sincerity plays a role but so does sucking-up.
As they say, If you can fake sincerity, you can fake anything.
Anyway, whatever works for you.
I could mention moments where this applied but I wouldn't want to reveal too much of the movie.

ANGLE #4:
Making it to the top often means stepping over someone:

To get somewhere there would be a time when you would have to screw someone over.
There was a moment where Akhtar tells a rival actor (vying for the same part) to act aggressively where the role demanded passiveness.
Its True. You may have to step over/on someone to get to where you want to be.
Cutthroat biz this.

ANGLE #5:
Preparation and Practice matters:

If this needs explanantion I think the reader is no older than 3.

ANGLE #6:
Fame and fortune:

With power, comes responisbility. With Fame and fortune , comes the need to impress or impress upon. You forget your friends, make ones who want to marry your money and try to look down upon EVERYONE.

ANGLE #7:
The Evil Eye:

Another good depiction was the jealousy that pertains to gaining success. People try to make you look bad and in this industry its all PUBLIC.
Of course, Sometimes you deserve it.

ANGLE #8:
You scratch my Back...:

Again this applies to any industry. You have to always make a deposit in someone's favor bank before you can make a withdrawal.
In some cases, Back scratching is literal.

ANGLE #9:
Forgetting the bottom rung of the ladder:

As SRK points out in the movie, you never forget who you were before you became who you are. You never forget your friends when you were way down the ladder. Again well depicted.

ANGLE #10:
Not Every Movie has a Guy-gets-the-girl-ending:

The Again if they had let the Guy get the girl it would have been like Akhtar learned a lesson very soon.(Which is not probable or possible).
They brought out a nice Amores Perros (Love's a Bitch) moment and showed Konana Sen bouncing back quite well.

ANGLE #11:
The Bollywood/Hindi Film Industry ain't what it used to be:

You have to watch to see for yourself!

Every thing happens for a reason and if BY CHANCE an actor gets a break and makes use of it, he may find that a post like this would turn up on some blog somewhere knowing fully well that he made an extra fan.
He didn't take any chances and wait for Lady Luck.

I'm sure, atleast after this , Neither Will I, no matter how jinxed I am.

1994 - Reducing Noise Pollution

2009-02-01T13:29:00.003+05:30

1994 - Stupidity License

2009-02-01T13:26:00.000+05:30

1994 - Subtitling

2009-02-01T13:07:00.001+05:30

1986 - Confusions on a hobby

2009-02-01T13:01:00.002+05:30

The Curious Case of Belly Button

2009-01-19T19:35:00.000+05:30

This has nothing to do with the Movie who's name I have tweaked.

After the latest exploits with the development of the famous new theory our Hero may have been poisoned.
Reasons and motives remain unclear as our Hero is mostly loved and cherished by all. (Ahem)
However,Our Hero survived.
He claims the poison wasn't strong enough to kill him. Not while his soul was clean and his intentions pure. (This was where he actually got shot.)

He fought back wave after wave of these stomach bugs and many a defecation later our Hero recovered his strength.
Determined to find the culprit, he decides to find the source of his discomfort and above all find his enemy.

He identifies all places where he could have been poisoned, and goes to these places one by one to identify his killer.

POSSIBLE SUSPECTS:

The Bangalore Water:
Having been in Bangalore for two months and drinking the same above said water it would seem highly unlikely that this could be the source of poison, our Hero claims.
The water may be contaminated but it was not the source of discomfort. He experiments on a lab test subject (who has a very sensitive stomach) to confirm.
No effect.
Suspect CLEARED.

Upahara Sagar:
Our Hero often wonders how he was talked into eating here. But dwindling finances and reckless spending on our Hero's part may have caused this. He discovers that the cooking conditions made most vegetarian dishes non-vegetarian and that most of the dishes were flambe.
Test Subject brought here again, on Hero's treat (He's a really nice guy).
Same idly/vada ordered.
No effect.
Suspect CLEARED.

Mc Donalds:
Our Hero once again returns to Forum where he tries to identify a possible suspects.
He takes in the clues.
Plentiful customers.
Good food. (That was the stomach talking).
No one seemed effected.(Physically at least).
There could be no way that these many people could escape the poison unless they bought off an employee.
This could be bigger than I thought, thinks our Hero.
Not Likely.
Suspect CLEARED.

Subway:
On recommendation from a friend (Our Hero'll get him back) our Hero obtains a sub that could contain all possible roughage, no .. forage well anyway it was mostly grass. All veges. Egg less sauces. It all looked reasonably fresh.
Bread toasted.
Suspect CLEARED.

Dominoes:
Our Hero applies the Mc Donalds principle here. It was more likely that the toppings were killed before or in the oven.
Our Hero wants a Cheese Burst too.
Suspect CLEARED.

Le Casa:
Our Hero knows that Italian food by itself was poison enough and even HE in his right mind wouldn't eat here.
Suspect CLEARED.

The Corner House:
Our Hero assumes here that the Death By Chocolate (DBC) is mostly not literal.
Our Test subject survives too. (He may want to punish our Hero for this).
Mental note to NO Chocolate ice cream for a week.
Suspect CLEARED.

Weird PLACES:
Most of these places are not where our Hero first found them initially. And the kind of food he had would have definitely cleared the system.
Time line mismatch.
Suspect CLEARED.

Feeling Dejected our Hero returns home and wonders how someone ingeniously managed such a feat. He looks over towards the dustbin and finds a wrapper to a bourbon biscuit packet.
The expiry date clears his doubts.
Our Hero is not as smart as he thought he was.

CASE CLOSED.

Soup, Stock and Hot Water

2008-12-31T20:10:00.006+05:30

Contrary to what the post title may make you feel about its contents, this is NOT a cooking recipe.

But something IS really cooking in the Indian film industry.

Ghajini was hyped beyond...well,many people came to watch.

I had seen the Tamil version and this was a mere I'm-going-because-I-heard-its-good-movie.

It wasn't. (Not to me at least)

Now I will find that there are many of you out there who would disagree to this claim.

The Soup,Stock and Hot Water Theory:

There has been a great theory developed by a very demented mind. I won't name him.
Lets just say HIS blog doesn't have enough visitors. :(

Now while watching this movie, our Hero (Um wait I've already started a fairy tale) ,No our guy starts making bold comments about the movie. On being questioned, as to why these comments were being made, our Hero (DAMN IT!) answers with pride and a little bit of gloat. He states the soon-to-be-famous Soup,Stock and Hot Water Hypothesis.

The Hot water is never as good as the Stock and definitely not as good as the Soup. Hot water quality is directly proportional to the quality of the Soup except when affected by some miracle factor a group of brilliant scientists have termed as 'Luck'.

This very cryptic statement had the peers quiet for a while.

Were they contemplating the sheer genius that was our Hero?
Were they contemplating the further corollaries to this fantastic theory?
Were they planning to kill our Hero in the parking lot?

Would be the first two; our very naive Hero thought.

Since not many understood the theory (they were blinded by its brilliance), he went on to describe the various postulates of this theory.

Postulate 1: THE SOUP

The All-knowing Hero made this clear his theory by first describing the soup.

"The Soup is always the first dish created and intended for the person" he claimed.

"It contains all that is original and unthought of. It is the basis for which all other Stocks are made."

On being asked for an example with reference to Ghajini he Said, "Memento is the Soup".

Postulate 2: THE STOCK (Reference to just boiled Vegetables in the Water)

Hoping that he had hinted to his peers about the factors of the theory, he was dismayed to find further explanation would be needed.

"The Stock is what we create from soup. We merely try to recreate the soup. Try to take out the components of the soup we found good and recreate a new soup called - the stock." he explained.

" The Tamil 'Ghajini' was our Stock" he finished.

On observing the various reactions he was being given the Hero decides he needs new friends.

Postulate 3: THE HOT WATER

Our Hero feels he would HAVE to describe this last postulate in hopes of getting due credit for this amazing theory.

"Hot Water is what we have left when we take the best parts of the Stock in the hopes of recreation. The Hot Water movies are the most hyped." he said with a lot of energy.

"THIS (The Hindi version) is the Hot Water!" he said with something many would describe as triumph.

Few peers nodded in assertion.

Either I'm Dead or.. our Hero thought.

With the coaxing to his pride our Hero felt it neccessary to add a small Corollary.

Corollary : THE PLAIN WATER

"This is taking the best part of postulate 3 and creating a new type. Few actually fall for it."

Many of his peers decide there could be some truth in this theory.

Some things that can be assumed about the theory and its Creator:

1.) The Theory is Fantastic.
2.) The Hero is Fantastic.
3.) Everyone agrees with the theory and they cannot disprove it.
4.) Our Hero doesn't the know the difference between a theory and a hypothesis.
5.) There ARE loopholes to the theory. Which will be added and due recognition given. Refer Point 6.
6.) Our Hero Lies.
7.) The theory is applicable to most Indian movies.
8.) Soup movies are not ALL International.
9.) Plain Water movies do exist.
10.) Our Hero may not make it out of the Parking Lot.

Update :

Krish Ashok illustrated this very well, I thank him.

His Mood of Ghajini can be found here.

To Fib or Fumble

2008-12-23T08:37:00.001+05:30

Everybody Lies.
Its a popular line in the TV Sitcom House MD. And totally true.
Nobody can NOT lie. Its in him, in Man.
Be it a sage or politician. It is in him to be manipulative and, simply put, a LIAR.
Why is it not one the 7 deadly sins?
A) Because it isn't directly DEADLY.
B) Lying is NOT something anyone can just drop.

Here are the 7 sins (For those of you that want some confirmation):
Lust
Gluttony
Greed
Pride
Sloth
Wrath
Envy

So if everyone lies and WE are all taught from a very young age that lying is wrong , why cant we find it in ourselves to not do it?
Its a part of us. We HAVE to lie. Be it to get ahead in life or simply pull a prank it just has to be done.
Some of you may argue (Me included) that we don't lie. We simply bend the truth.
Ok , so we have established that we cant stop lying. Maybe we can reduce its intensity?

QUALITY OF LIES:
CATEGORY 1:
The White LIE:
This lie is one that does little or no harm to the person directed against. (NO ONE lies to hurt themselves.)
This may include your general excuses like
"Sorry, I'm busy." (You're actually writing a blog post about lying)
"No, I'm going out." (You're actually writing a blog post about lying)
These little lies are okay from time to time but if used exhaustively could fall into the next category.

CATEGORY 2:
The Pink LIE:
This form of lie does do a little damage to the person directed against. He MAY react on it or choose to ignore it. Based on wether he does decides wether this lies stays in the PINK (Busted) or the WHITE region(IGNORED. You Got Away).
The Pink lie if you didn't guess is a direct consequence of a hand shaped object making contact with your face thus resulting in the above mentioned color.

CATEGORY 3:
The Black and Blue LIE:
This form of lie is the ultimate form. It could be a result of a direct powerful lie or a reiteration of Category 1 and 2 lies. These are the forms of lies to avoid as they could be very hazardous to your well being. This is the most riskiest of lies and could reap the most benefits (should you get away with it).
If you get caught however, Lets just say the category is self explanatory.

QUANTITY OF LIES:
We all know that we ALWAYS have to cover a lie with another lie. Its like a fission reaction.
A lie to cover a lie to cover a lie to....
SO with this covering up, our quality of lie changes from CAT 1 to 2 or maybe even 3.
Hence, the problem. Keeping it in category 1. (We already established that no one can stop lying).

A Zen Master once asked ,
"What is the best number of lies?"
And the optimal answer - ONE.

Hence our decision lies in the fact that we could FIB or FUMBLE.

Another??

2008-12-22T14:33:00.006+05:30

Thanks once again to Varun , Proximity award huh?
Very Nice.

P.S With the awards you've been dishing out people could possibly get the feeling I paid you a very hefty sum.
:D

Tradition Clause:

This award is given to a blog that invests and believes in PROXIMITY – nearness in space, time and relationships! These blogs are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in prizes or self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers! Deliver this award to eight bloggers who must choose eight more and include this cleverly-written text into the body of their award.

My Eight suitors as such:

Karthik (Helped me get started)
Hari (He he he)
Buddy (Refer previous reason)
Coconut Chutney (Everyone loves thenga chutney)
Sriraj (Hopefully he'll start blogging again)
Harini (LOL! Not the evil one though)
Rukmani Ram (See, I have one you dont have. Yet.)
Vibu (Told you I'd get you back. Muahhahaha)

Crapping Creatively

2008-12-19T16:54:00.005+05:30

Thanks AV. Encouragement taken to heart.
You have plenty yourself so I need not stress on anything much. :D

UPDATE:

Apparently I gotta pass this on.. (DAMN! I thought I could stay selfish)

So after careful and rigorous selection process (First 5 links on Blog roll):

Buddy (This guy claims he can't write poetry but He'll blow you away)
Varun (This is probably the only award he doesn't have)
Rakesh (Have you seen his blog?? Case Closed)
Hari (Punster Extraordinaire!)
Vibu (This is as creative as it can get. Most suited Award)

I would award to others too but I'm selfish. (LOTR - My Precious!)

Tall, Dark and Stupid

2008-12-18T11:39:00.006+05:30

There she stood, pretty as ever.
Looking out the Store window.
A store overlooking a busy Bangalore street.
I took this road back home every day for the past week.
It was out of my way ,way out but I just had to see her again.
What was it about her that attracted me to her?

She had a new sparkling outfit on every night.
A model?
She looked lost however. Like ALL of them claimed to be.
I couldn't find the courage to go and talk to her. I could talk to ANY girl.
Why couldn't I find it in me to go and talk to her?
Bile build up in my throat would be an answer, I guess.
What is this thing that we men face when we have to talk to some pretty young thing?

She had no one talking to her, No one asked her out or even made polite conversation. Completely unapproachable, she looked.
There had to be something about her, I could see people admire the clothes she wore, standing in a huddle around her discussing the material she wore and way she carried it.
She had her friends all standing next to her wearing very attractive clothing too.
But why her?
Why did everyone stare at her and her clothes?

No one spoke to her, complimented her beauty or her attire.
She didn't seem to mind though, she just continued to stare out the window.
As if it pained her to be there. As if she needed a Knight - ME.
And I was here standing outside just watching her call out. (Well,It was cerebral.)
I felt a rage inside. A jealousy I would say.
I couldn't stand these low-lifers staring at MY girl, wait, I was getting ahead of myself.
She deserved better.
She deserved me.

I would storm right in there and tell her how I feel.
But How?
What if she scoffed at me? What if Security had big big Guards?
What if my favorite restaurant closed before I got back home?

I didn't care. I stood in front of the window. I couldn't go in. Maybe I could signal to her. Catch her eye in that crowd.
She stared out the window. At me.
No wait, False Alarm.
It was through me.
I was officially invisible. Down and out. My name was MUD.
NO, I wasn't, I didn't quit, I never did.
I would go look into those hypnotizing eyes and tell her everything about how I felt.
How?
How about a nice start up line ?

Hey, Where have you been all my life?

Too corny.

Hey, Sexy chick-a-boo!

Too slap-in-the-facey.

Hey, Can I buy you a drink?

I'm not in a cheap American movie scene.

Hey, You look just like my next girlfriend! (Well ,It worked with Will Smith in Hitch)

Too slap-in-the-facey again.

I had to say something! I couldn't stare at her and stay quiet, while all this time there was someone out there vying for my spot!
I had to do it! I'll go and tell her something!
Even if I do get slapped in the face or scorned at I wouldn't care. Atleast she knew.
At least, I would've told her.

I walked into the store and went and stood right in front of her. I stood with my chest puffed out and stomach pulled in.
She didn't notice me.
I had to say something now. This was it.
I couldn't!
Nothing came out!
I stood there staring at her and not uttering a syllable!
Metaphors of planes crashing applicable here.

I just stared. I had failed. I couldn't take my eyes off of her. She probably knew now.

A crowd built up around me. They were staring at her too. And comments flew out of their mouths that only fed my jealousy.
I couldn't take this. I had to be heard.

But I didn't say anything.
I looked at her again and realized.
My love life was as dead as this mannequin that stood here before me.

Rambling Rewarded!

2008-12-08T17:14:00.002+05:30

I feel the need to gloat.
There is someone who does appreciate 'something' resembling humor after all.
Thanks Varun ,
I would send these back to you in due recognition of ACTUAL good blogging but with your existing trophy collection these would definitely be laid to rest.
Encouragement DULY NOTED. :D
Anyways, the awards below,

Playing for a LOT more than Pizza

2008-12-05T15:11:00.000+05:30

Its that time of the year where every kid (Yes EVERY kid) looks for the goodies that come from dear old Saint Nick.
They try their best to be good children and the last few weeks before Christmas have parents wondering if their kids had been swapped by aliens.
I was one of those kids; call it what you will - Buying Loyalty, Bribery or Downright wrong, it still worked. I was on my best behavior when I knew I could be getting something in return.
Call it a present for good behavior.
Many many years later you'd be surprised to know, it still works.
A different motivation - Money , Candy or other pleasures you may have.

But you already know that! And I'm not going to ramble on about something you already probably know.

I write this post to share with you a nice experience. One in a very non-physical sense. One that completely rendered me in AWWW...
It was a pretty unheard of Grisham Book called "Playing for Pizza"
Now while this isn't one of his usual juror, broker type stories I found it a spectacular read.

STORYLINE :

Rick Dockery is a very unlucky/poorly-skilled American football (NHL) player and he very nearly loses his life when he screws up a game for the Cleveland Browns. His life goes hay-wire with the legal suits and press attacks. His agent signs him up to play in Italy with a very lesser known Parma Panthers. (Yes, Italy did play American football at a certain level).
Rick was hesitant but gave in.

What ensues here are small patches of loyalty, team effort triumph and most of all Playing for Pizza. The manager of the team paid them no fee. Just a pizza at the end of the game.
I'm not stressing on the story. Its available at wiki.

The real deal with the story is that the team -members were all hard working italians with completely different professions such as a Butcher, a Cook or a Lawyer.

They played purely for the fun of the game( and the pizza that followed of course). Not looking for material wealth or the money that came with it.
It was so very different from the usual reads.

It thought me that there is so much more to the wealth that comes through ; that the satisfaction of a job well done is its own reward.

Dear Santa,
I told the people around me NOT to ask YOU for stuff - Stopping Greed.
I even quoted a good book that describes the same - Belief.
I have truly learned that greed is just a feeling I have
to learn to curb - Lessons.
I'm sure that you appreciate my learning this valuable lesson - Belief Reiterated.
So now where do we stand on that XBOX? - Tiny Request.
Vivek

P.S : I'd settle for the PS3 too, if the XBOX is unavailable.

P.P.S : The Book was one DAMN (whoops, sorry Santa. I'm a good boy, I am.) good read.

1989 - Caffeine Syndrome

2008-12-05T14:27:00.001+05:30

1994 - Getting away with Humor

2008-12-05T14:23:00.002+05:30

Time Flies When You Have Fun and Otherwise Too

2008-12-03T11:55:00.000+05:30

In case you're wondering why I haven't cribbed here for so long I have postulated a list of excuses..eh I mean Reasons as to why I lost touch.

--I was undergoing a Stressful and Severe training regime at TCS, Gandhinagar.
--I had a net connection that would allow me to upload not more than a text doc. (I think they split 256 Kbps among 8 terminals)
--Busy Busy Busy (Elaboration will be provided)

ILP @ TCS Gandhinagar

It was like a Rajini Kanth movie - badly hyped.
There was absolutely nothing to worry about as far as the training was concerned. I read at various forums that it wasn't easy and the phrase 'NOT PAID HOLIDAY' popped in more often than rarely. I take people expect to be paid doing nothing. (Is this the government?)
[ I'll stop about the government bit ; after the Mumbai crisis, emotions are high strung]

Anyway the Training was quite easy for a CS (Computer Science not Counter Strike) student and a little effort never went unrewarded (I was the exception). There were people who worked hard weekdays and harder the weekends. Sometimes after 2300 hours! Even up to 3 in the morning! Don't ask me why, I don't know what the office looks like after 2300 hours.
Friends, a word of advice, Learning is an art(You either know it or you don't) and people working hard instead of smart just lose out on other possible more pleasurable activities. (I'm not stressing, and Gujarat is a dry state).
So just grasp the basic thingmagig concept and relax. Works 2/3 times. Or your money back.
I cannot divulge information about the training as such since there is a very thick piece of paper called the CoC (Code of Conduct) Document that doesn't allow us to share information. Now whether that refers to my soup spoon, my T shirt or real CODE I'm not really sure but why take a risk?

On the company front, They took good care of us. (Left to speculation of readers)
There were people from Srinagar as well as Kerela and that made a very eventful party at TCS.
(P.S Punjabi folk are real fun.)

The weekends were the most eventful as they involved us going to Gandhinagar city for a well-deserved (I don't know why I say that) unwinding. I caught some movies and gallivanted most of the day away. The malls were better than those I've seen down south and barely a crowd added to the relaxed walk from shop-to-shop.

The I'll-walk-away-if-you-don't-give-me-what-I-want PLOY

This worked a lot, and almost all the time. The auto drivers there were very reasonable in their fares (asking 1/4 of what I'd usually pay here) and We'd fight with them for half of that! (Poor souls)
The shop keepers could very well show us the finger for the act we put up but THEY JUST WONT BE DISRESPECTFUL! So advantages were duly noted.
I'm not really sure If I saw the better part of Gandhinagar or there was some hidden factor involved.(My winning personality?)
The weekends were fun for the above specified reasons obviously.

Working Hard at being Lazy

My weekdays were just as eventful with my returning from work at 6 PM. Hitting a gaming center for Counter Strike and enjoying target practice with local school kids ( I was the Target ) was an obvious highlight of my day.
Then back to the room for some good reading (I had 2 novels that I finished in 5 days!).
The occasional roommate's stinking socks triggered a new Hygiene Policy in our room and most weekends ended up being Washing Day. (Remember that scene from Jurassic Park where the Dinosaur shit looked like miniature mountains. Well this was with clothes and the same stench)
However , there was always something to do, We were never bored.

Places to visit could be provided by your travel guide. Ours was a roommate who barely knew the place. We got lost only twice though. And as a friend used to say - A little Hindi went a long long way. (My lot of hindi din really turn heads).

Yes it was fun and now you see why I found it sooooo hard to post.
TCS training did teach me a few things , just nothing academically. More on the Life skill front.

To summarize, it was good learning and apparently some folk DID actually add competencies to themselves. The only competencies I added were friends (The Competent ones, of course!)to my IM client list. So now while I ready myself for my next phase of training at Bangalore , I make it top priority to show them that 'Happy Learning' @ Amdavad taught me nearly nothing. But it was a good experience and certain people I can certainly not forget.

And Yes, Time flies when you know nothing too.

Not even a 'Quantum' of Solace

2008-11-08T19:34:00.000+05:30

WARNING! Contains Spoilers! (But You'll thank me later).

With every hard worker there comes the need to unwind.
I Wont say I lie anywhere near the category of hard-working but I still somehow felt the need to unwind after a long week of arduous labor. (Not really - just software programming). Surprisingly I was left with little or no satisfaction.

A few friends and I gathered at the CineMax on Satellite road in Amdavad (Ahmadabad) and prepared for the latest in the Bond series. The seats were OK, the lighting was fine, the sound was questionable and the snacks were rationed, overall we were an army ready to stay dug in (ref,:Bunker - for those of you not so militarily inclined). The movie just had to wreck the whole thing.

'A Quantum of Solace' is the second movie starring Daniel Craig as the badly bruised James Bond. Here, Bond tries to cope with his losing his only love, V (Vesper) and tries to discover the truth about her past. The main story revolves around this very concept and it seems Bond still hasn't learnt anything (about NOT killing people) after his promotion to double-O (Casino Royale). And yes, there is a small distraction story of some Ecological Exploiter who tries to steal land and use its resources.

It was highly awaited (by Bond Fans like me) and I will be honest in my saying, it was less than acceptable

Here I will postulate various reasons as to why I found the movie NOT to my liking:

ITS A BOND MOVIE!

Its A BOND movie! Every Bond movie absolutely has to have
(A) Spy Work.
(B) Suave Mr.Bond.
(C) A Vodka Martini.
(D) A little bit of nudity.
(E) And action sequences that should/would/could take your breath away.

This particular installment may have had certain attributes mentioned above but I felt the movie overall lacked a SOLID story.
It was more like a set of action sequences were stringed together and called a movie.
It was made clear that Bond seeks revenge for what had happened in the past. He would do anything and this caused his instability leading him to the kill-first-ask-later type situations. But is he not a Spy? He seemed more like an English Rambo. There was some reality in the fact that MI-6 Agents do get hurt and Craig certainly had his share of roughing-up.

A SOLID OPENING SCENE:

The first thing that caught my insatiable need for perfection was the fact that the movie did not have a good opening scene. It was just another day with Mr. Bond driving his car around (In an environment that was like the Outback track in NFS - 2) and ramming it here and there.
And then he gets to the next scene where there is no trademark GUN BARREL shot scene!
Herein follows some lame title track and then you have the movie.
There was this one scene here he killed a villain while hanging upside down, which would have been a more likely candidate.

NO GADGETS (AGAIN):

I completely refuse to believe that James Bond had no gadgets even after he was made a OO.
For gadget hungry folk (me included) it was a HUGE disappointment. There was a big silver Boeing-like Jet (that Bond flew like it was just another Aston Martin) that came close.

LACK OF PROPER STORY-TELLING:

Though this story marks the beginning of the real Bond Movies it fails to please us in any sense since I failed to see the improvement in Bond's characteristics after Casino Royale (CR). He was still reckless and not in the least bit discreet. At the end of Casino Royale it seemed like Bond had indeed become Bond.But here it seemed he was just made Bond again! It was just action after action and though entertaining there was no actual progression in the story-line. Nothing was revealed about Quantum - the organization or the situation of Mr. White.

OVERALL :

I was moved by the Dog-fight and of-course the scene from the Bell-tower but certain parts of the movie had loose threads.

Ex: Bond chases the Generals Boat to save Camille and while the boat is alone in the water he grabs her and jumps across and Voila! there's a new boat right where he jumped!

The story lacked depth, but I guess this was the only possible story-line after CR. The action sequences somehow make the movie worth the watch but sadly it doesn't even come close to any other movies placed in the genre of BOND movies.
Craig was good as swashbuckling/ed BOND and has continued to portray the Spy as expected.
The theme song was played only during the credits! And when the Gun-Barrel scene does come in the end, I was left with the feeling -

Is the Movie just Starting?

Was what I just saw a trailer?

It was titled aptly, as I did feel a tiny bit of Solace once the Title track played and the movie came to an end.

Spice Jet vs Paramount - All Spice but No Taste

2008-10-30T17:55:00.008+05:30

Firstly I'd like to say that there is nothing (personally) I have against anything or anyone associated with the topic below.
I have traveled by SPICE Jet only twice and though the service has been exquisite I felt the need to make the comparison.
It was a small bet with I had with a friend; that I would make a cheaper trip to our training in Ahmedabad. I write this post due to a small disappointment that came of it. (I lost)

It was the morning flight, via Chennai from Coimbatore.

I chose SPICE Jet over Paramount on the basis that it would be cheaper, with ALL economy seats and the possibility of NOT opting for in-flight meals. I also heard a rumor that Paramount flights were likely to be canceled.

DAMAGE 1 : Ticketing [Through a Travel Agent, I might Add]

The following prices are when I took the flight (Tax included)

Spice :

Rs 5315

Paramount :

Rs 5800 (Variable) I'd give it a 6.5K average.

I thought that was all right - Cheaper than Paramount and with the flights in the latter facing the risk of getting canceled , it was pretty much spice all the way.

DAMAGE 2 : Excess Baggage [And I don't mean the worried parent tagging along]

Spice:

20 kilo Limit. (I had 28 kilos)

FINE : Rs 80 per excess kilo.

DAMAGE : Rs 640.

Paramount :

30 kilo Limit. (My Friend had 29. Lucky Bastard)

FINE : Nil

DAMAGE 3 : Gourmet Meals [Here's the spicy part]

Spice:

Menu :

Cheese Sandwich ----Rs 80 (What is it with them and eighty)
Chicken Sandwich ---Rs 100
Lichee Juice (Questionable) ---Rs 20

And Fortunately,

WATER --- FREE

There is the additional option of canned coke,sprite and Mirinda which I didn't dare ask about.

Due to hunger (Cheese s/wich + Juice) - Rs 100

Paramount :

Menu :

A Spanish omelet, baked potatoes with sauce/chutney , fruit on a platter with TEA/COFFEE ,not to mention a croissant and butter.
Chicken Sausages, North and South Indian Gourmet Veg Meals.

With a complimentary drink too.

ALL TWICE.

PAY HERE - Nil.

DAMAGE 4 : Emotional Damage

With Every flight offers its customers an opportunity to feel special. In some cases (No, that was not what I meant), in the form of gifts and offers.

Spice :

A scratch coupon (worth Rs 500 ) which can be used to buy, WAIT FOR IT...

Another SPICE Jet Ticket! (-500 Of course)

As in HIMYM , Thats Legendary! (And Legionary)

EMOTIONAL DAMAGE LEVEL (on 10) : 9.5 (I gave the 0.5 since the stewardess was nice enough to give me two).

Paramount :

A scratch coupon enabling the scratchee to win a minimum prize worth 1200 (Max 2L) on spending Rs 500. Thats optional.

Pay Rs 500 (Emotional Damage 1/10 though, since we may not like what we get).

TOTAL TALLY :

SPICE : Rs 6055

Paramount : Rs 5800

A clear winner.

I will, However travel with SPICE Jet. Just not when Paramount is available.

In the Wick of Things

2008-10-25T15:20:00.002+05:30

NOTE : THIS STORY IS NOT INTENDED TO TURN HEADS

It is raining. Not heavily, but the kind that would still sting at your back. Especially when you're lifting a heavy object across the street in this downpour.
Its 4 in the morning, and the two men sigh as they drop the heavy box onto the pavement adjacent to the quiet alley.
The men are dressed in black with their faces covered, they walk across the street in almost a cat like movement making it impossible for an untrained eye to catch them in motion.
They were 32 years of age and wouldn't let the determination drop from their face.
These men were hardened from their years of mental and physical turmoil and had decided that this is the day they get their revenge.

They open the box. In it lies the device the would cause the most untold of pain. Pleasure to these two anyway.

Ahmed : (Squinting in the rain and whispering) "Are you sure this is the right one?"

Fayed : "Of course I'm sure, I have been planning this for a year now."

Ahmed: "Will the rain affect the trigger mechanism?"

Fayed: (With surprise) "I doubt it will have an effect. Its pretty solid!"

Ahmed: "What if we're seen? We will have plenty to pay if we do not complete this task."

Fayed: "Yes, the device was very expensive indeed. HE will be most displeased if we were to fail him."

HE refers to their leader, a cold, stone-hearted man with little or no remorse. A man without mercy and non-forgiving to the world around him ( sorta like TR ).

The rain reduces and a light mist fills the street.

Ahmed : "All right, then lets set it up and leave before we have any problems." (Eyeing a milk-delivery boy walking down towards them).

Fayed : "Are you afraid, Ahmed? It is a mere child. One of no consequence. We cannot allow are mission to be a failure."

Ahmed : "But still a child..."

Fayed : "I will try talking to him if he comes."

The Boy walks over to them.

Raju : "Hey, thats a pretty big Diwali cracker! Where did you buy it?"

Fayed : "Do you know what we're doing here? This is no small diwali cracker. This will bring an end to this city as you know it!"

Raju : "Oh, that good huh? Tell me where you bought it na? I want one too."

Ahmed : "Listen child, if you do not leave here you will be among the blood red here."

Raju : "Oh, It has colors too? That is super! Please Bhaiya, tell me where you bought it."

Fayed : (With anger) "This is not a cracker. It is a bomb. We are going to blow you all up!"

Hearing the noise , Raju's mother comes out of the apartment to the street.

It starts to rain heavily again.

Mother : "Why are you boys playing with crackers so early in the morning? Go that side a burst."

Raju : "They are not bursting crackers ma, it is a bomb it seems."

Fayed : (With Fury) "Yes we intend to teach you a lesson!"

Mother : "OK, Ok but do it that side." (Pointing at an empty field a block from the street)

Ahmed : (Surprised) "Do you not fear us?"

Mother : "What ma? If its not you, its the LTTE to the south or the ULFA to the east or the Kashmir Liberators to the north , not to forget the Taliban in the west and if not these there's always the Indian mujahideen in all our states."

Fayed and Ahmed look dumbfounded.

Ahmed : "She's got a point."

The two men pick up the box and walk back quietly into the rain.

Have a safe and happy Diwali.

NOTE : No offense meant to any Ahmed, Fayed or Fire crackers. Story is purely for fun. (My fun.)

Portability PC - MojoPac

2008-10-24T12:09:00.006+05:30

Recently, with my countless experiments on how I could better the performance of my PC (Vista let me down unfortunately), I discovered that there were ways I could take my PC everywhere.

Now I'm sure there are those of you out there who would say,
"Duh , Doofus, they're called laptops!"

but my reference here is to MojoPac , a virtual environment that allows you to take your 'PC' in your pocket.

MojoPac is a software that allows you to store your applications on a USB 2.0 drive and access it on any system as if you would your own PC. It allows you to store your Preferences, your settings and even how fast you like your mouse double-click to be!

Now before you get the impression that I'm taking you for a ride, let me tell you about how I came to find this. I had a need to use some applications that were unavailable in my friend's PC and having no internet connection/ Installation files I was forced to take my laptop to work things out.

It was then I found out that this software allows me to store MY favorite applications on my USB drive and simply use HIS system (resources) to run my own environment.

I was initially afraid that a virus on his system could affect my Drive but I found out that this is COMPLETELY secure and did not need any protection of sorts. It stayed away from the OS and the OS files stayed away from my Mojo.

It can even be put on an Ipod and Itunes can be installed on it thus allowing you to transfer music from your friends PC too.

You can browse the internet and use chat clients too! Amazing! (Browsing History isn't stored on the PC, don't worry).
Gamers like me can install our games on MojoPac (These games had high system requirements and wouldn't run on our systems) and run it on our best friend's high config PC!

Its like having your PC on anyone's PC! A match made in heaven, if you ask me.

A MojoPac Desktop (Sorry about the clarity) :

It shows all your files and folders.
Your apps are easy to run and last but not least,
Gaming was never this easy!

THE ONLY CATCH IS ...

IT WILL ONLY RUN ON XP!!

Beta versions are out for vista but why change perfection. :)

MojoPac download

I hope you enjoy this software as much as I have.

DUI Charge

2008-10-17T15:30:00.001+05:30

Ref . - DUI Driving Under Influence

NOT RELATED TO ALCOHOL IN ANY PARTICULAR WAY.
In Fact, Alcohol is Bad (While Driving).

He took the passenger seat next to me. This was the final test and I knew it. He looked calm, just like all the other test evaluators I had seen. I was in the driver's seat next to him.
There was no going back. I found myself shaking. Small shudders went up my spine when I revved her up.

He cleared his throat. Something was wrong.

I had adjusted my seat and checked my seat belt. I had even placed my hand on the steering at the 10-1 position. What could it possibly be?

The rear-view mirror. Damn it.

I adjusted the mirror clumsily pushing it out of place before I could get the best possible angle.
The street behind me seemed very quiet and the road was void of traffic. It was still dark out.

With my leg on the clutch I pulled to reverse. Then he spoke.

"Just Relax. You'll do fine. I've seen students like you who couldn't make a yard without a glitch."

I nodded in assertion. These people could sense fear. I eyed him while he took out a small notebook and started writing. Yes, sense fear like a shark.

As I ever so slowly pulled the car out from the driveway, I felt a sudden urge to ask him if any of the students he talked about ever made it back. No, not recommended at this point in time.

The car was on the road and I hadn't screwed up. Yet.
So far so good.

"Take this road to the end and I'll give you real-time directions on our next checkpoint. Avoid Cyclists."

"Yes Sir" I answered almost like a reflex.
Real-time Directions to a Check Point? What are We? Space Marines?

A little further I found that my confidence grew and with it my overly hunched shoulders. I took the next turn (as instructed) and as I dropped gear the inevitable happened.
I failed to drop gear and a faint gnnnrrrr was heard from the engine.

Uh-Oh. This was it. It had to be.
Why wasn't light flashing before my eyes?
Why hadn't he said anything yet?

While I was contemplating why they hadn't invented ejection seats in passenger cars yet I heard him say - " That's OK. Take the next right." In an almost growling voice.

He wasn't happy.

I found goosebumps build up on my arms (and places I fail to mention) while I ever so carefully shifted into 2nd. The road seemed barren, save a few milk and newspaper delivery boys.

Too few Witnesses.

I was on road for nearly 15 mins and the evaluator who, I had heard, was overly verbal at times; hadn't said a word.

I cleared my throat. Ease the tension in the air.

"Take the next cut and turn right at the intersection."

That would lead home. Home? Yes! The ordeal would truly be over. I would live to face another day.

I ran a small countdown timer in my mind calculating when my salvation would arrive.

Nearly there.

I drove into the driveway and parked such that the potted plants up front, would breathe relief.

The evaluator got out of the car.

Day of reckoning.

"Not bad. Could use a little work. But not bad at all."

Relief swept my mind. Very visible relief.

"Thank you, Sir."

"Now go wash your hands and come back down for breakfast."

"Yes, pa."

A tough ordeal - Driving under the influence of Daddy.

The Noah in Us

2008-10-10T17:21:00.002+05:30

Noah had constructed his Ark and saved the entire world from the Lord's Wrath (The Flood). But these trying times the Lord often wished he could do it without warning.
Ref. Bush, TR , Sam Anderson

But Being highly obligated to his creations he decided to give mankind another chance. HE decided to contact the most revered individual (in innocence and kind nature) on earth,in a small village in Madagascar.

Popo is lying outside his hut, in a hammock, lazing.

Lord : Popo!!

Popo : Eh, What was that?

Lord : It is I, The LORD.

Popo : What's that? Is this some kind of joke?? Papua, where are you?

Papua was Popo's friend.

Lord : This is no joke. I need you construct an Ark that is 40 Feet by 20 Feet, collect all the animals of the world, and save Humanity from extinction.

Popo : Whats an Ark?

Lord : Do not toy with me Popo, I need you to complete this task before the end of the coming monsoon.

Popo : What?! And miss Spider man - 7 (The revenge of the Black Widow) [Toby Maguire's Girlfriend turns on him when venom absorbs her. For non Peter Parker fans.]?! I cannot do this! Who is this really?

Lord : I am very much the Lord. I create the Light and the Darkness , the great treasures and disasters of this earth are due to my wrath. I am all the alpha and the omega, I know all and see..
What are you doing?

Popo is switching on the TV.

Popo : If you're here walking this earth,then its definitely on FOX news.

Lord : Do not anger me Popo. I will prove to you I am indeed the GOD.

HE strikes the nearby coconut tree with a powerful lightening bolt. Popo is aghast.

Popo : Yes yes, I will complete this Ark. How do I go about doing it? It seems very complex. Wouldn't be easier to give all the beings fire proof clothing and then create a great fire instead of a flood?

Lord : Don't question my authority Popo. You know not of my wrath. And besides the Mrs and I would like to take a dip in the big pool after mankind is extinct.

Popo : Yes Lord. I accept. I will begin construction of this ark.

MANY MANY moons later.

Popo is busy shoving in the female baleen whale when...

Lord : Popo?

Popo : [Panting] Yes Lord. I'm almost done. I have to just get the last of the insects in.

Lord : You have to go back. You have to go and get back the elephants. They're both males.

Popo : What?! I can't do that! You change one!

Lord : You know I don't work like that. [Humans sometimes do]

Popo : How dare you make such a request of me? I have been working my butt off all these months and you cant do this little thing for me? I will not change it, In fact I will collect etc insects just in case and...

Storm Rumbling...

Popo : heh heh heh ,
Lord no need to get upset. I'll do it.

And Popo completes the requirements of the ark. OK, so he does complete it but can ya give me a better way God would have asked you build an ark and save humanity?

Popo did however save mankind and that is why we are all here today.
But it seems that the Lord will be make such a request of us soon.

This post was just a prep course on how to handle the Lord in such situations.
Be prepared.
POST 50!

I hope you understand the real deal with this story.

Related Posts :

Armageddon Delayed

1982 - A New Circus Act

2008-10-10T17:04:00.000+05:30

1991 - Perfecting the crime

2008-10-10T17:00:00.001+05:30

1991 - Morals of a Different Kind

2008-10-10T16:58:00.002+05:30

A New Pleasure to Thrill Seekers

2008-10-09T15:52:00.002+05:30

It has been quite a while since Ludlum, Forsyth or Archer provided us with some material that would leave us wanting for more. I don't blame them as these authors have had to compete with present day writers (Who are more pacy and leave a lot to imagination).

Archer I may forgive due to his latest venture,

But voracious as I am with books, I could always find that adventure in the present-day novels have quite satisfied me. The stories these days leave a lot to the reader's imagination and the element of pace added to the story seems to never leave us bored.

I have followed quite a bit of current day action-adventure novels. These authors I may add are,

Eric Van Lustbader (Specifically, the Bourne Series Continuation).
Jeff Abbott ( Recent reads - FEAR , PANIC , RUN).
Sam Bourne (The Last Testament, The Righteous Men).
Mathew Reilly (Shane Schofield series, Jack West Series).

I am willing to vouch for these authors (I know I wouldn't have to) and they definitely would not disappoint.

Even if you have heard of Lustbader, Bourne or Reilly, the littler known Abbott is by no means lower in reading value.

I have just read two of his recent stories and man-oh-man, it was good.
Now, I'm not referring to the pleasure of an ice cream on a sunny day but this surely gave my mind a refreshing meal.

Here are two very promising ones :

PANIC

Everything a man once knew about himself is all a sham.
He finds that his parents/Girl friend are not who they were and his very life is an ingeniously constructed facade of lies.

I just couldn't keep the book down.

To be made into a movie. Don't wait for that to happen.
You'll be immensely sorry.

RUN

When you are framed for a crime , that's all you can do.
Don't expect a fugitive type story, its very well written and filled with suspense , in every single page.

Named 'Collision' in the US. Soon to be made into a movie. Nothing like the book,ever.

I find that these books have somehow re-kindled my faith in adrenalin pumping books and don't be surprised if I tell the World so.

P.S. I will post about Reilly, Bourne and Lustbader shortly. Sorry about the poor formatting.

Weighing the Facts

2008-10-04T11:19:00.001+05:30

We all know what the holidays are all about and it isn't illegal to put on a little weight during these times. So when someone does ask me - "Hey Vivek, put on a little weight?" , I reply saying that everyone puts on weight during the holidays. (I do get remarks asking how long the holidays were for me. But that is beside the point.)
So for those of you who don't know there are certain characteristics to define people who have actually put on weight and many subtle ways of telling them without hurting their feelings. (OK well not really. Better just not to mention it.)

Facts about how to find out if you put on weight:

If the World Union names you as the newest continent in the world.

If they also claim you to be the largest De-militarized zone.

NASA starts orbiting a satellite around you (For Better Coverage).

Airtel decides that you're the only LARGE sector where there isn't a signal.

The telephone company gives you your VERY OWN pin code.

The questions from elders shift from "Were you serving in the army?" to "Are you the Army?" (One Man Army is an obsolete phrase here.)

Some excited mountaineers try to climb your north pole.

They use satellite imagery to get your passport photo.

People start asking your family if they furnished their living room with a new Bean Bag.

Your picture is posted as banned at all buffet restaurants.

Google Earth adds you to its database.

You start getting a bulk discount at the Airlines.

The moment you sit on the bike you can do a wheeling.

Every time you go boating the fisheries department send out whalers.

Now that the facts are clear lets identify how to tell someone subtly.

Personal Favorites of mine (that have been used and got me in a LOT of trouble:

I didn't know your apartment were twin towers?

Did you see that episode of Tom and Jerry where Jerry Pumps a lot of air into Tom like a Balloon?

Didn't the cops catch you for driving triples on the bike? (Not very Subtle)

OMG! Was that an eclipse?

Does anyone feel a gravitational pull here?

All right , all right, WHO made this crater here?!

Lets take a picture, How do I zoom OUT 300 times?

I know that if a certain friend of mine We just call him Sumo (The Wrestler or the TATA vehicle - Take your pick) happens to read this, I will most certainly have to pack my bags and run to Mali. But anyway he's fine with it. (Most fat people ARE jolly)

So you can tell FAT people without hurting their feelings, but if they do take it to heart,
I recommend Vibu's 'Bruce Flee' Strategy.

A New Convert to America

2008-09-28T19:32:00.000+05:30

It was the Second Cold War.
Don't worry Germany wasn't to blame. Hitler was out of the way (He went into hiding after the second world war, started a family in the cold Swiss Alps, who later became the Von Traps and starred in the hit musical - The Sound of Mucus). Most of the family died of pneumonia.
The World had the two super powers (USA and Russia) at War.
The main reason for the start of the Cold War was similar to that of previous World Wars.
It was called the U2 incident.
In the previous war a U2 plane was shot down and that sparked the world war.
This time it was a bit more serious. The band U2 wrote lyrics in an album called How to dismantle an Atomic Bomb with info on how to do, well, just that.
Somehow the Russians did not like it( Referred to the old Bombs they use and they didn't want every lay man in America having this knowledge). They were keen on getting rid of the Albums.

COUNTER-OFFENSIVE (The offensive part was the album remember?)

Russia did in fact have at its disposal a band (called WE2) that could make another album called Why Atomic Bombs cannot be dismantled. But they knew that wouldn't work since the American Bands had a larger following. (Have you ever heard of WE2?)
So they send they're best secret agent to find out how the albums were being circulated.
Volkov was a very good secret agent. He served the Russians these trying times. But as of Tuesday he was an undercover agent on the American side. Now to buy his way in he had to prove to the Americans that he knew nothing about America. Which was difficult to do since he knew zilch about the USA.

AT AIRPORT :

Airport Official (AO): Mr Alfred (Volkov's alias), How do I know you're not Russian?

Volkov : If I were Russian, you'd be dead.

AO : If I knew you were Russian, You'd be dead.

Volkov : Yes, so since neither of us are dead, I'm not Russian.

AO : Yes, Please pass through.

Volkov thinks to himself - The Americans are not very bright people.

ON AIRPLANE:

Air Hostess (AH): Since we have a lot of cut backs due to fuel price increase we have removed our in flight entertainment.

Volkov : So what do I do for 23 hours?

AH : We have arranged for in flight SUDOKU with difficulty settings of easy, very easy and you gotta be kidding me.

Volkov : What do we do if the plan suffers turbulence?

AH : Again, Due to cut backs we will provide only ONE oxygen mask per row (with a timer that indicates how long a person must use it). Please share with your fellow passengers for a safe flight.

Volkov : What if we have to crash land on water?

AH : Well, we have only one dingy and 50 % live vests have been removed. So people who can swim will jump out of the left side and the people who cant take the dingy and life vests at the right side.

Volkov : What will you be serving this flight?

AH : A hot dog and a diet Coke. Sorry, we don't have mustard or ketchup.

Volkov : Thank you.

AH : Have a pleasant flight.

Volkov thinks to himself - The economy must not be doing very well.

Having landed in LA, Volkov heads to various parts of the city to gather info on the album and the band.
Many years later U2 still manages to play their songs but Volkov is nowhere to be found. In reality he has changed his name (Alfred is what he chose after watching Dark Knight) , defected from the Russian cause and lived happily ever after as a waiter in some coffee shop not far from the Music Studio.
The Cold War ended just like that. With almost every agent appearing under new names and completely under the radar.
You were probably expecting me to write about how Volkov suffered many setbacks and struggled to survive his new home, but the fact of the matter is - That's what America can do to you. A hypnosis like no other.
I don't know if its the sunny skies or the beaches, The Hollywood actors or the movies they make, the subway or the NYC commute but it definitely kept them there.

I still don't get it and I guess I never will.

1993 - God Like Food

2008-09-28T19:29:00.000+05:30

1993 - Surprise Surprise

2008-09-28T19:27:00.001+05:30

Armageddon Delayed

2008-09-24T22:24:00.002+05:30

Consider a setting unlike any other. In a place not of this world.
High above, the heavenly abode, the all powerful Lords of the three worlds sit for their evening tea (Amrit Nectar - From the churning of the Ocean) during their afternoon Tea Break (They work hard, they deserve their rest). These Lords are Shiva a.k.a Shiv, Vishnu a.k.a Vich and Brahma a.k.a Brams.
These all powerful beings contemplate the fate of the world they've created, the very world we live in, to figure out how to reach the end of the yuga (end of this world).
Now like any other big organization, unless work is delegated properly there is chaos in the business. So these lords were delegated roles by the higher authorities (Don't ask me Who, Research is still taking place to find out how hiring takes place). These roles are as follows:

Brams : The Creator (of Worlds).
Vich : The Protector (of Worlds).
Shiv : The Destroyer (of Worlds).

I'm not on the eternal realm just yet but my sources confirm this conversation actually took place.

Shiv and Vich are sitting at the TEA cloud ( You think they have tables up there?) and watching down at the release of the new movie 'Rock On' somewhere in India. Vich became a metal fan after a little Maiden and Green Day (He especially likes the new Linkin Park song called 'What I've Done'. Sort of a joke to Brams, He used to say).

Brams : Finally! Our Tea Break. I've been looking forward to this all morning.

Shiv : Vich is watching that Rock movie . He had to postpone the Iron Maiden concert in Bombay (Technical Difficulties) since he had the earthquake thing in China.

Vich : What a wonderful movie! So unlike rock. But these mortals make everything just about them. Pass me some more amrit. Where is Mohini?

Shiv : Yes, these humans are so predictable too and easily manipulated. I say we just blow the whole place up. I suggest a meteor shower. Humans have made movies where mankind is almost wiped out due to meteor showers (ref. Armageddon,Deep Impact). So they wont be surprised when they're extinct.

Brams : Oh, you trigger happy Shiv. I think its no use. I remember a particular movie where a certain human, I think he was named Brad Pitt, said that We, the Gods, envy them - the humans. That we never know what it is to be mortal. I should crush him like the little insect he is. Make them good lookers and they think they can get away with anything.

Vich : Calm down Brams. Its not like he's the only one. There are others who are just as bad.

Shiv : That is why I said we should purge the entire race!!!!

Vich : Then what would we do for entertainment? We will be bored again and the Party at Mount Olympus will only be once a year. Remember you hit it off with Hades last year, Shiv?

Brams : Hey Vich, Weren't you supposed to go down this yuga with a new avatar?

Vich : Are you kidding me? The last time I went down there they killed me with an arrow. Who knows what technology they have now. If I go as a fish I'd probably die of oil tankers leaking, as a turtle I'd probably be the only one in my species since the rest would be extinct. As a man, I'd probably be corrupt or pushed around. These Humans are smooth talkers. Who's Idea was it to give them a personality?

Brams : My Bad.

Shiv : Lets just sweep the adults off the world and place the progeny alone in the new World.

Brams : What makes you think that Children are different? Innocence is only wasted on animals. I saw two children talk where a 10 year old tells a 6 year old there's a condom in the veranda and the 6 year old asks what a veranda is.

Vich : Oh My God!

Shiv : The Good thing is WE don't have to do much. With the amount of Bio warfare, Global Warming and Greenhouse gases we can sit down and watch the show. Brams, get started on the new World but don't make Humans again. They're entertaining but very,very short lived.

Brams : I plan on calling the new planet Bluton. Filled with only algae and planning on inventing a new species called...still working on that part.

Vich : Oh well, I'll go back down to check the place out. Last time I went as a rat to spy. But they captured me and used me for lab tests in cosmetics.

The Three Powerful Lords return to their Heavenly related work looking forward to the next break and smidgen of entertainment.
Its amazing how these Lords are afraid of the very world they created.

Please note that:

Time is relative.
The Gods are powerful.
Vishnu is not really into heavy metal.
They call it mythology for a reason.

Related Posts:

The Noah in Us

Mood Music

2008-09-22T15:00:00.000+05:30

I recently read an article in the Hindu that spoke about how our character can be justified by the nature of the music we listen to.
That we are the creative kind of people, if we listen to metal (and carnatic music surprisingly); sophisticated, when we listen to jazz and disorganized/lazy, if we listen to reggae is a little too far fetched (for me at least).
I'm not one to judge the years of research people have put into these sort of things. (Like polling for the sexiest man alive etc or useless trivia like the number of people who want to get laid in Britain on a Saturday night.)
They may be right. Of the thousand people they surveyed they may find that the results correspond to the ones that eventually reach our Sunday paper.
But Music can't, and shouldn't determine the person's nature or depth of character.
Everyone is a fan of a genre of music called ' Mood Music'. Its so unlike your general Rock and your specific Punk Metal. Not slow like POP or dragging like the Blues.
This Music - Its slow when needed and pacy when required. Its all based on your mood.
Its the Universal set to most forms of music ( contrary to some rock bands people place in the ever famous genre called noise).
How can music judge who I am?
Am I lazy by nature if I listen to reggae?
Or especially creative if I listen to Metal?
Well I'm a fan of Music. Be it Rahman, Metal or Pop. I don't stand against any band but there are still forms of music people can find appealing.
Its a matter of evolution. Now I've not heard a lot of Indian music and never found a taste for it.(In spite of my fathers listening to Ghazal/Sufi all day long). We all start at the slow pop and blues and branch out to hip-hop or metal based on various factors like exposure, peer reviews and WHAT YOU FEEL LIKE LISTENING TO.
So be it Metal, hip-hop,Rap or kitchen utensils I love music if made tastefully. I may feel like a little bit of Green Day now and a little bit Norah Jones later or even a Bach after that.
But if one thing never changes it'll be the fact that I'll always be a fan of Mood Music.
So my justification that Reggae is the reason I'm lazy just doesn't quite cut it. Oh Well.

1999 - Playing Dead

2008-09-20T20:53:00.002+05:30

1999 - Surprise Surprise

2008-09-20T20:52:00.003+05:30

1999 - Working Hard at being Lazy

2008-09-20T20:50:00.002+05:30

1995 - Redundancy in Humor

2008-09-17T09:41:00.001+05:30

Never reuse humor. Its fatal (well, ok nearly)

A Gathering of Sorts

2008-09-07T22:11:00.009+05:30

It is a very hot day. Location and City unknown. Towards the outskirts of the city a group of local cows gather for their annual Graze Craze event.
This is a very important event to the cows and takes place every day during the summer season(or otherwise).
The Cows have gathered early in the morning to decide where to do their early morning grazing. Since none of them are either born leaders or for that matter even competent (in the cow sense), they gather and decide that a majority vote would seem most reasonable.

Patriotic Cow : (Moving over to a piece of pasture) I have a very strong feeling about this place. This is where Bindra practiced before he gained a medal in the Olympics.

A majority of the group move towards that pasture.

Geeky Cow : Everyone come here. This is where they sold the most iPhones.

Everyone laughs. Some move.

Scientific Cow : Let us collect soil samples, test it for sulphates due to acid rain and determine the best type of soil.

No Movement from the other cows.

Moronic Cow : Shall we go stand in the middle of the road till they feed us? They seem to be feeding the dogs there.

A few cows move towards the road.

Highly Enlightened Cow : I feel that the best grazing land will be revealed to us when the sun's rays reflect off the sewage lake below the bridge.

Almost all the cows end up at the bridge.

Sports-loving cow: This is where they will hold the ICC champion's trophy practice this year.

Every cow (leaving a few) assemble at the new field.

Experimentally-deranged cow : Lets try every piece of pasture and see which is the safest.

Few cows start tasting the grass here and there.

In-thing cow : They say it is all the rage if we eat yellow grass.

All the cows have assembled near the yellow dead grass and begin their morning rituals. (Followed by laying small pies on the road-side)

Two multilingual Vultures ( as in, they speak vulture and cow) see this happening.

Vulture 1 : I don't know what's up with these cows. Are they stupid enough to believe the masses and follow them?

Vulture 2 : I see the same thing happening among humans everyday. I still can't spot the difference.

The two vultures utter a small prayer to the cows and hope that the dead grass provides them with fresh cow in a few days.
Unfortunately Humans last longer, I heard them say.

FACT : Wild Cows DO in fact really roam and use a majority to decide which is the best grazing spot. Using no research. Just plain blind following.
Information courtesy : Haresh.

FICTION : Cows really don't care about the texture of the soil, color of the grass, location of the grass, the road side crapping or the iphone.
Information courtesy : Cow.

P.S. If you didn't get the real deal with this story, we're all doomed.

1995 - A Painful Cat nap

2008-09-07T22:04:00.002+05:30

1995 - Self Definition of a Different kind

2008-09-07T22:00:00.002+05:30

1995 - Unreal Genius

2008-09-07T21:55:00.002+05:30

An Apple this day could keep Everyone Away

2008-09-02T17:44:00.003+05:30

'An Apple a day...'

We , Human Beings, are a lost race. We like Zombies follow and fell for the biggest rip-off in electronic history. We spent a mere 30K on a very shiny piece of metal. Very much like a highly sophisticated magpie.

Yes, many of the young hip folk would call this the iPhone or the 'Jesus' Phone (as in "Jesus!, What the hell were you thinking?!") and I'd like to still stress there is hope for us yet (A mere 2 million iPhones sold in 2008 in the US).
Now even though Apple has become a religion in some parts of the world and every 'iStore' is a modern kovil; we find people going there for their yearly darshan; there are few ,like me , who are definite protestants to this cause.

Devotees seeking darshan in Sydney kovil.

I've never seen Guruvayur so crowded.

Lets go to the day this preaching began. I believe it was at a Macworld 2007 event where Jobs
announced the launch of his new revolutionary iPhone which combines the features of an iPod , a phone (Yes, it has one) and a breakthrough internet communications device a.k.a web browser attached.
I must admit when I saw the video I was nearly trapped in the hypnosis Steve Jobs had conjured. Think of it like a moth to a light bulb. And when he uses the 'innovative' unlock feature everyone in the crowd gasps! Lo and Behold the IPhone!!!!!!!
If you haven't seen the video think of an adult waving a set of shiny keys at a baby. The baby's reaction was that of the audience. Yup, that would aptly describe it.

Ok enough of my cribbing. Let me gain your support and turn you away from the dark side, young apple-slaughter (yeah, bad joke but the only rhyme with skywalker). Lets talk about what the iPhone (Remember it costs 30K) has to offer us electronic geeks.
You can proabably search the internet and find a hundred sites dedicated to iPhone stinkers so I thought I'll give you a gist of my experiences with the all powerful Iphone.

Firstly,I will admit that the iPhone looks good, complete eye-candy and very appealing to the faint-hearted with deep pockets.
The iPod I have always appreciated and with the Touch and Video components added it seems a pretty good buy just for the interface (Playback, album art etc). But, you cannot share music over blue-tooth and you'll be surprised how annoying iTunes can get while syncing.
I'll choose an N95 over this any day.

Ok so now the Phone,
It runs on OS X which I think not even 5 percent of the world population uses (Macs) so Jobs can boast it has no viruses .And you'll find it boots just a bit faster than my desktop.
The SMS feature made me shoot myself.
Its a chat like interface. Cool. But with such a big on-screen keyboard you gotta remember what you typed as you cant see the text. (Bright side : Good Memory Game)
Another astounding feature : You cannot forward messages. But,Its always fun to type that good forward again and again and again. Right?
Don't even get me started on MMS ( Doesn't exist )
The Camera adds to the misery where you can ONLY shoot still photos. You cannot edit them or anything (again N95 sounds promising) and no shooting videos. Even if you do make the compromise you find that the only way your photo is going to be viewable is if you ask a professional photographer to use it or undergo a few months sniper training.
Adding to this further is the fact you cannot change your ring tone and the existing ones are so lame and soft you'll end up getting missed calls.
Now I'll tell you about the revolutionary internet communication device.
You can send e-mails but no CC and BCC features. No select all option either. Good luck deleting mails one by one. And you cant download attachments either. (Just to rub salt on the wound)

THERE IS NO INBUILT INSTANT MESSENGER.

The famous Safari Browser just looks good if you ask me with a lot of extra large icons that the disabled and aging can use. But there is no support for JAVA or Flash.

If I haven't converted you with this just go to any web site and get convinced.
If Jobs spent more money in R&D rather than Marketing maybe he'd make more sense.
By the way, The battery cannot be removed and they expect you to buy a new one ( $70) if this one fails.
Verdict for iPhone:

Future :

DON'T EVER BUY ONE. Even if someone throws one at you.

Past or Present:

Use the many hidden features of the iPhone such as Paperweight, Finger Print acquirer, Scratch guard tester and once again a Paperweight.

Go for better phones like the Nokia N95 or even the HTC touch if you're Touchscreen crazy.

I use the HTC vox smart phone and somehow, though jealous of Pocket PCs, I'm happy.

The latest most anticipated product releasing this FALL '09 is dedicated to Jobs. Its called the iSuck.
Coming soon to a store near you. Some assembly required. Batteries not included.

I be ...

2008-08-31T12:51:00.001+05:30

In all years that have gone by we have somehow come closer to be who we wanted to be. Whether it remained unchanged since we were kids however is another story.

I often remember how like every other kid in the world I was influenced by the people around me, the movies I saw (I know this guy who wanted be snow white) and the talents we thought we had.
When my elders came to me and jovially asked me what I wanted to be I would think up responses most fitting to the current situation.
Leaving all that I am right now, I wanted to think about what I would have done if my life did not have these turns of events, whether I would have changed my dream of being a .. um well I'll get back to that.
So anyway when I was young I did contemplate many professions, some because I thought the prospect of doing it would be good and some because peers would put pressure, saying 'You're cut out for this'. I would listen and have a new dream profession every hour of the day. Here is a list of possible professions (Sorted chronologically) and why they were rejected:

Drooling Baby
PROS : Earns a lot in pacifier companies, All you got to do is look cute and make a lot of spittle.
CONS : I don't stay baby for long. And an adult with a pacifier has a whole new meaning nowadays.
REJECTED

Toy devastator
PROS : Can cater to my inner evil by breaking toys. Can help test toy durability for toy companies.
CONS : How long could I keep breaking toys before they lock me up?
REJECTED

Permanent Potty Trainer
CONS : Very very messy.
REJECTED

At this point in time I realized that any professions in youth weren't long lived. (For me or the profession)

Real Life Teddy Bear
PROS/ CONS : ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
REJECTED

Bathroom Singer
PROS : Hot Water. A very CLEAN job.
CONS : Not much growth in the company.
REJECTED

Super Hero
PROS : Beat up People. Instill fear in your worst enemies.Make movies. Cool outfits.
CONS : Got to stay awake at night (That's a big no no). Enemies like joker ACTUALLY scare me. Motion defeated.
REJECTED

Sumo Wrestler
PROS : Very comfortable clothing. And eat eat eat!
CONS : Can't see your feet. Telephone companies tag you for having your own PIN code.
REJECTED

MI6 Agent
PROS : Serving the Queen. Cool Gadgets like with James Bond. Lots of ladies. :)
CONS : Get Real.
REJECTED

Crash Test Dummy
PROS : You get to test every new car before its on road!
CONS : Apparently a very risky profession. And as of late, I seem very very breakable.
REJECTED

Wind Surfer
PROS : Wind in your hair. Salt in your face. Sun shining above. The dream.
CONS : Too much salt water bad for my Blood Pressure.
REJECTED

Belly Dancer
PROS : Wear skimpy clothing. Dance Dance Dance.
CONS : How the hell do they make their hip move like that??
REJECTED

I then made the conclusion and always have this answer ready when elders asked 'What will you be when you're older?'
"Fully grown up."

When I did reach a mature age I performed the various rituals required to find your skills like SWOT and gap analysis (Where you find how large a gap exists between your skill set and the profession you seek). After a tedious gap analysis I have found that,
The expanding universe is quite small in comparison.
Anyway with the help of my parents I did eventually find my knack (Engineering in Computers). Though I would have loved medicine. I'm glad I didn't let such good ideas for professions stay with me for long. There were other possible options on professions but all just as good as the ones above. Que sera sera.

"I think, Therefore I am, um , I Be too"

DISCLAIMER : No Disrespect meant to Agents, Surfers, Wrestlers and Dancers (and Crash Test Dummies too)

On a very small note, I would like to thank myself for having survived 30 (ya with this one) of these posts and hope readers have survived the same. And a big thank you to that special someone (who said my laziness knows no bounds) for her patronage/tolerance, from the saucepan man.

Road Block

2008-08-26T11:23:00.007+05:30

I don't place myself very high in the driving community and I have been known to drive rashly from time to time, no serious accidents though. But something happened today that changed my entire outlook of driving in Coimbatore.

It was right after the all night gaming with the guys (Counterstrike for dummies), and we slept at around 5 in the morning. I had to drop a friend back home at 9 or so and while driving we came across this predicament.

While taking the cut out into NSR road in Colony we ran into a white OMNI van. It had a few blackened scrapes on it (had a lot of action I presumed). It had parked right across the road. We needed to go through that road and with this big vehicle in the way it was never going to be. We were already groggy from lack of sleep and just wanted to get back to sleep. This huge van was preventing us from reaching that El Dorado. And we heard the traffic (the morning kind) piling up behind us expecting us to take initiative from the front.

So being the civic minded people that we were, we both got off the 'hot - Rod' a.k.a scooty pep and walked over to the OMNI. The driver didn't seem to understand English or even Tamil for that matter. And he didn't look the type to carry a license. We tried to force him towards the side of the road so traffic could get by.
The driver couldn't care less about us being there and seemed to drive ever so slowly towards the side. Eventually we found that a mass obstruction had been removed. Not wasting time talking to this 'driver' we were on our way again thanking our stars for these small mercies.

And as anyone would have expected it, we left cursing the driver for his lack of empathy for poor sleepy individuals who just wanted to get back home.

But the problem is this would only happen here, in India (Or other remote areas of the world) , and these vehicles would always have rights to drive around among us real, licensed drivers.

If you don't believe this story to be true, I dont blame you. I was pretty groggy and couldn't quite make out what happened that morning. But of this I'm sure,
There was me , a friend , a scooty pep and one very stubborn cow.

My Attitude Transplant

2008-08-21T10:15:00.001+05:30

It has been just a couple of days (OK OK no, but it does feel so) and I already find myself writing here now.
Time just doesn't seem to progress in the positive direction.

It has been three and a half months since I graduated.
I used to keep asking myself if, in 4 years of engineering , I had added any value to myself.
The question bounced in and out many a time in college and after it and I now know that there is never enough time to truly learn what you want to or need to.
Yet, these days, I find it so difficult to pick up a book (non-novel) and actually read it.

So I try to train my brain into thinking there's something to work with after all. I keep telling myself that I actually WANT to study, WANT to do something useful.I tell myself all these things to hope for an ATTITUDE change. But I Have come to realize that my brain effectively rejects attitude transplants (Working on suitable donor) , till then,

I check my priority TO-DO list,

(1) GRE prep : Piece of cake. (I keep telling myself that for some reason) NEXT

(2) TOEFL : (How did this get in here?) Don't insult me. NEXT

(3) NIIT : Not so much of a cake. Gotta study. No wait,I don't. There's that cute gal to copy from. NEXT

(4) Software Development in C# (Smartphones) : Bloody VS2005. Not my Fault. NEXT

(5) Watch Movies : Boring! (maybe Dark Knight) Seen the rest. NEXT

(6) Read a Book : Anymore Archers or Ludlums and I'll crack. Artemis Fowl. Working on that. NEXT

(7) Gaming : (What the hell is this doing at the bottom of the priority list?) Pretty much Kane's Wrath , Assassin's Creed and CS of course. NEXT

(8) Football/Gym/ Swimming : Ever since I got road rolled in a game of football, its been pretty much the Pool. Nothing like a good back stroke to figure out how badly out of shape you are. NEXT

(9) Blogging about useless and COMPLETELY unrequired banter : Check. NEXT

(10) Hitting the sack and facing a new day with the same routine : DONE.

I'm glad everything is going according to plan.

Related posts:

The Right Mood

The Right Mood

2008-08-06T11:24:00.006+05:30

I used to think all about the holidays when in college just as much as the rest of us. But now that they're here, and no worries of going back to college, I feel so so bored. I don't seem to be in a mood to do anything.
Watching a movie halfway, playing my favorite video game or even snacking at my fav fast food joint, nothing seems to cut it. It seems like there isn't a single activity that wouldn't bore me. It never was this way during studies at college.

Is this a hidden curse or side-effect to the holidays?
Was there always something to do when I was in the period of studies?

Somehow I still don't find myself getting into the corporate world; its not the making money but the fact that I still feel there was so much to learn when I left college. But the irony lies in the fact that I still don't pick up a book for the heck of it.
Having been placed and waiting for that imaginative(a word too strong for some) call letter,it further bogs me down that all my friends have already started working at their respective 'questionably' reputed companies (Some even at BPOs to just do something!).

Am I just wasting time?
Should I put faith in the company that will welcome their new employees with apparently open arms?

If I were entirely honest I would say I am a tad bit unhappy with my placement. It wasn't that I could've done better but just that I planned poorly.
Having gained my company placement was just a small indicator that I always had a fall back but now it seems that it is the only option at hand. And I don't do anything about it.

Come to think of it I DO have a lot of things to do.
Some of which would include a prep for the GRE/GMAT (I still dunno which..I guess I'm just technically manageable) and the completetion of my graduate course at NIIT. I would take the Bloody Barron (Harry Potter anyone?) GRE word list and find myself just not getting into the right mood. I would be able to sit for 10 minutes before I find that the letters would dance on the page in front of me and I wouldn't be able to stop them. Its not that I'm dyslexic but can the mind wandering have such an effect?
I do let my mind wander but I'm actually half afraid it wont come back.

Na, now I'm kind of sure its my state of mind. In these holidays it just seems like everything slows down not unlike the bullet time in Max Payne. I find myself in this state of eternal rest, a state I just cant shake.

But then How did I manage in college? How did I actually manage to get things done?
I could think it would be because of your peers and parents putting pressure on you to do something whether it is completing an assignment before the deadline or studying before an exam. Was it the pressure that time? Couldn't be, because I was still under pressure to perform well in the GRE. (A friend said he would stop talking to me if I din get >1450)
So if the pressure is still there why cant I find the strength to do it?

I am not in the right mood!!

With friends of mine offering up new company interviews or even ways to spend time constructively I still find myself stuck in virtual time. (Thanks guys - anyway)
Anyway with time flying by and the exam nearing (both GRE and NIIT) I find the hidden augment to my 'right' mood.
The very reason I managed in college becomes quite clear. It was called,

Last minute panic.

Close Shave to a Prospective Husband

2008-07-23T12:57:00.001+05:30

I'm sure we all have, at some point of time been at the forefront of ridicule when it comes to our future (regarding marriage); especially when elders meet at family functions and they start on the all-important speculation of who the next one would be.
At one particular function it so happened that my sister fell into their cross hairs. They considered the guy (he was also there at the function)
And if you are aware it would be a little, nay ,a lot of humiliation when people try to talk you into this. I would have been on the front lines to attacks on my sis but well,she was surrounded so I tot it'd be better I kept out of the battle.
But this incident was one I'd remember.

(this was in tamil , crude translation for you guys)

Characters :
Elder1, Elder 2, Elder 3 , Sruti (my sis) , Vivek (me!)

Elder 1: How bout Sruti? When are you getting married eh?

Sruti: I don't think I found the right guy?

Elder 2 : Dont worry ma, we'll find a good guy for you.

Elder 3: How about that boy there , SRIRAM ?(not his real name,Sruti'll kill me :-))

Sruti : No Way, He is nearly bald, there's a patch of hair missing on the back of his head!

Elder 2 : No No, that is just a close crop cut he has.

Vivek : That's not a close crop it looks more like a crop circle!

Thats about the only time I saved Sruti from embarrassment. And she says I don't care. :-(

Guess I should have titled this 'A Prospective Husband's Close Shave' :-)

Hustle - Funny Dialogues

2008-07-23T04:27:00.003+05:30

Some funny dialogs from the con series 'Hustle' on BBC.

Danny - Do you know about alarms?

Ash - I know about everything.

Danny - If you know everything, then tell me , what is the capital of Luxembourg?

Ash - Luxembourg city.

Danny - You're good.

Danny - (Before sky-diving) What do I do if the parachute doesn't open?

Ash - Use the reserve parachute.

Danny - What if the reserve parachute doesn't open?

Ash - They have a standard protocol for that.

Danny - What's that?

Ash - place your hands at your shins, hold your legs up close bending your knees and tuck your head in between.

Danny - Like this?

Ash - Yeah, now kiss your ass goodbye.

Danny - That's a comfort.

1995 - The real writer's block

2008-07-16T15:13:00.002+05:30

1995 - Not my Snowball

2008-07-16T15:06:00.001+05:30

One IM for all or all in one IM?

2008-07-16T13:03:00.011+05:30

I often find that many of us have multiple messenger accounts like Google, Yahoo!, Jabber etc.
And it also does happen that when we do want to chat we all log into every single messenger to chat with those of our friends who has that particular client.

Wouldn't it be easier if..
1. All messengers could be accessed from a single client (preferably free)?
2. All these messengers could be replaced by one (successful) fully featured messenger?

The first question has been answered. There are clients out there that allow you to access not all but most of your messenger accounts.
These would include the popular Gtalk, Yahoo, Jabber, MSN, AOL etc.
One of the messengers (Free) I'd definitely recommend is,

Pidgin Messenger

It does have its flaws and is not entirely Vista capable but still can pack quite a punch.
Other messengers are there that can be held up in high esteem but I definitely think this one stands out.

Microsoft's Live Messenger is one of those few messengers that are feature packed but once again very difficult for users who migrate from Gmail (Yahoo is simpler)
I have a smart phone that runs on Windows Mobile 6.0 and it has the Live Messenger in the Home screen (or Today screen) itself.

And even though the interface is eye candy the ability to use Gmail is still compromised.
(Though Yahoo isn't) I may be wrong and there may be a simpler way to add Google contacts to Live! but I don't think manually adding them one at a time counts.

I found two good chat apps (Free of course)that support most IM clients for smartphone.
You can check them out at the following web sites..

Octro (Octro Talk) (for any phone - Symbian, Windows - Smartphone/Pocket PC)

Talkonaut (For any phone - Symbian , Windows, Java Based phones)
[ Additional advantage of VOIP over GPRS (for a small fee ) ]

I still think many of us find the older clients simpler since we're used to it.
Yahoo! Messenger being a very legacy application still has its support and many of us stick to it. Gmail allows us to have an inbuilt messenger in the web page so we can check our mails whilst chatting and vice versa. So both have advantages.
I think it'll be quite a while before there is a single messenger that would provide multi platform capability as well a rich feature set. So we could settle for a multi platform FREE IM app that could remove hassles like logging into 3 or more IM clients one after the other.

Simplicity is its own reward. :-)

No Ransom

2008-07-14T15:31:00.006+05:30

You know how sibling rivalry can get. Especially during those moments of youth where you fight for your parent's attention. I have a twin sister - Sruti. And we both did have our issues with being treated fairly.
I remember her having a Barbie doll that she was extremely attached to and I would just take it to tease her, on and off.With time I found, to my misery, that she wasn't affected by it anymore. I did try my best to annoy her though and well, life went on.
A year later she had a new doll. Knowing quite well she would not remember my taking her favorite Barbie doll, I took the opportunity and stole the doll.
We both were in school then (4-5 th standard I presume) and I saw my mother writing a letter. A good idea hit me.
The next day, I left Sruti a letter demanding a ransom of 10 bucks and I also gave her a drawing of her doll with a scissor held to its sewn on neck. (It was a very terrifying drawing )
She saw this letter and instead of making the appropriate exchange, she laughed.
I didn't know why until a few days later when I read my ransom note. It went like this...

Dear Sruti,

We have your Barbie Doll. We know you want her back.
Don't give us any trouble and no harm will come to her.
Leave 10 bucks on the playroom shelf by nine in the morning tomorrow.
Don't try anything funny or you'll never see her again.
Don't call the police.
You cannot find us.
You cannot trace us.

Sincerely,
Vivek

No wonder I wasn't any good at business communication. :-)

The Archer found a target among us

2008-07-13T21:09:00.008+05:30

Of all Fictional writers of the older days I found Jeffrey Archer's writings to be the most believable and politically sound. He wrote about almost everything under the sun and always added his own unique twist just as most of us Archer fans have seen.
But now cometh the age of Dan Brown and even budding authors like Sam Bourne who have added a new element to storytelling.

Let me explain,
In the older stories, of more respectable writers, I found that most writers excluded a certain element - pace. The story would be powerful or exemplary but slow.
I remember that Kane and Abel , Prodigal Daughter and Shall We tell the president? were powerful novels, among Archer's best. But when I read these old novels in the times of Brown and Bourne I find it so difficult to believe that Archer would still hold a sword to these knights.

There would be heroes and villains. And in thrillers specifically I found that there would be a chase scenario and that would be followed by a lull where the hero character would ponder over the mystery and in the process acquire a new clue leading to a new scenario of action; followed once again by a lull.
This was how the older novels were. But in this day and age most authors have combined these two elements such that the hero would decipher a clue whilst on the run.
This element of pace and of course. vivid imagination made the writers of today extremely successful among the youth.

Archer, definitely got wind of the current day storytelling technique and his first experiment with this style was apparent in his False Impression,

The story revolves around a seemingly unrelated set of people.

Why was an aristocratic old lady brutally murdered in her English country home the night before 9/11?

Why was a successful New York banker not surprised to receive a woman's left ear in the morning post?

Why did a top Manhattan lawyer only work for one client, but never charge a fee?

Why was an Olympic gymnast paid a million dollars an assignment, when she didn't have a bank account?

Why was an honors graduate working as a temporary secretary after inheriting a fortune?

The one thing they all have in common is Van Gogh's Self-Portrait with a Bandaged Ear.

The story which would usually span a few months was complete in a few days!
All over the world!
This fast and eventful story telling technique had me famished for more of this.

I din have long to wait.

His next story gave me all that I needed with a mixture of all elements a good book required.

This was his Prisoner of Birth. Everything you could want from a captivating novel. (with a few glitches).

I wont say more; in case you haven't read the story, I say pick up a copy now!

Brought about a rich set of characters and depicted almost every expressive feeling possible!

Especially a good read for those who find they like Prison Break or The Shawshank Redemption.

I think Archer will still find he still is in the running along with other new writers and is surely not out for the count.

He convinced one die-hard Archer fan. I'm sure the rest of you are just this one book away. :-)

To all non-Archer Believers you'll find that this archer has made his mark and found his bullseye! :-) :-)

The Greatest Sin - III (The Greater Good)

2008-07-13T13:59:00.004+05:30

I don't actually know why this still fascinates me!
In previous posts I spoke about, Theft - The greatest Sin (which related all Sins) and later on spoke about a Righteous Man.
But now as a follow-up to it I would like to talk about Sin itself.
All the great teachings tell us that we must not lie or cheat. But is there a greater good involved?
Let me show some clarity,

You are standing on a street. Its dark. A crying woman runs past you and into the alley on the left. A man who comes up wielding a knife asks you, " Where did the woman go?"
You could tell him the truth and he would probably go kill her. Or you could lie and save her life.

Do I lie to a murderer to save a life?
If I were to lie I would know that I had sinned and would be purged on Judgment day.
So the understanding of the greater good is clear.
So is killing people justified?
You would say No.
But what if I had told you that there was a certain mass-murderer on the loose and that killing him will save another 20 lives. Hence the Greater Good.

That is certainly how they depict certain characters like Batman or even the latest release - Hancock.
They work for the Greater Good.
So when our day comes you will know that we had done both good and bad and some of us had been right and done bad for the greater good.

But even this had its disadvantages with the Catholic Church killing in the name of God.
ref - Iron Maiden's For the Greater Good Of God.

But I guess you already painted your picture.

My policy on this doesn't go quite so deep and I follow watchwords that you may find you contradict. Thanks to Will Smith from Hitch.

Never Steal, Cheat , Drink or Lie.
But if you Steal, steal away from bad company;
if you cheat, cheat death;
if you drink, drink in the moments that take your breath away;
if you lie, lie in the arms of your lover.

Corny yet true. :-)

Related Posts:

The Greatest Sin
The Greatest Sin - II (The Good, the Bad and the Righteous)

The Greatest Sin - II (The Good, the Bad and the Righteous)

2008-07-13T12:57:00.007+05:30

I have always been a die hard fan of all the Eastwood westerns. My favorite included A Fistful of dollars and A Few Dollars More. But the evergreen favorite would always be The Good, the Bad and the Ugly (GBU for future reference).

Anyway my point of discussion wasn't about Eastwood but more about a small theory.
When I was young I was of the opinion that there were two types of people - The Goodies and the Baddies.
The Goodies were people like Cinderella and Snow White while the Evil queens were always the baddies. Thanks to Disney.
Even in the movies of the yesters I saw there was a clear distinction, Baddies wanted to rule the world while the Goodies stopped them. (Most action films - same concept new characters and environment).
But when I saw GBU I was a little surprised to see that there was a third type of character who just din fit the deal. (Ya the 'Ugly' one). His motives at some times were good and at some times bad.
I didn't dwell on it and the movie was fun.
Years later It still gets to me that the world no longer exists as GOOD|BAD.
Yes there are people who are with mixed levels of good and bad; some majority good and some bad.
But i came to the revelation that there is no Good or Bad. We tend to judge people by looking at them and terming them Good|Bad. It was the truth that everyone is Good at times and Bad at times. And I use the terms very loosely.

A Righteous Man (or woman... I'm not sexist):

These are a very rare breed of people and almost impossible to identify. They are difficult to find because they seek no fame and no fortune. They only want whats right.
They may be drug dealers or even priests but they fall beyond our regular definition of good or bad. Even a killer could be righteous (I'll explain in my next post - The Greater Good).

In Jewish Mythology, there was a small anecdote where King Abraham negotiated with God to spare his kingdom. God had decided to purge mankind due to the growing evil. Abraham said he would find 50 men who were righteous and could uphold the Good. God asked him to find just 1. Abraham did and his kingdom was spared.
It has since been a part of Jewish Religion to have at least a few righteous men upholding earth every year or so. And if these men were to die the world would end.
I don't believe certain aspects of it but it would make sense that there certainly exists a - Righteous Man.

If you are interested to know more , I would recommend a best seller by SAM BOURNE.
It is called - The Righteous Men

A good read where the author talks about the existence of 36 such righteous men who were across the world doing good. Some good examples I found:

A Pimp who gives up his fortune to a woman so she doesn't get into his business.
A man who anonymously donates a kidney of his rare blood type to someone he never met.
A geek who programs a virus that crawls web space and finds child porn sites to deface.

These people may have been judged good or bad on the outside but in all reality they were righteous.

The Story is a must-read for those of you who just love thrillers and general knowledge on Jewish history.

A new something to think about. :-)

Related Posts :

The Greatest Sin
The Greatest Sin - III (The Greater Good)

WALL to WALL WALL-E!

2008-07-13T00:09:00.008+05:30

The new movie everyone is talking about (or will be talking about).
I know a kid who has wallpapered his room with the movie posters!
This is why pixar still is number one in animation.
After many successes like Cars , The Incredibles , Finding Nemo and even Monster's Inc Pixar has taken up the new venture with Disney to create a very lovable character - WALL-E.

The story though devoid of many dialogs is so expressive even a chimpanzee would understand whats going on.

The Story (Contains no spoilers):

The earth has been too overused (a term we all would come to know) and is no longer able to sustain life. Mankind in a last effort to save the planet create a set of robots that have been programmed to clean the earth while they shoot of into space and spend a 500 or so years in a space cruise ship.
Meanwhile WALL-E (Title Character) the last of the kind of robot starts feeling lonely and develops a kind of personality (nearly human with expressions of fear, love, curiosity, caring etc).
And from the heavens comes a new robot called EVE. EVE (yup it's a female bot- wouldn't be much of a love story otherwise) has been programmed with a task of looking for any lifeforms on earth that could justify the fact that earth was sustainable. (It so happens it is)
The story thens turns to a little more pace when EVE is taken back to the cruise ship and wall-e goes after her.

The story focuses on many important aspects such as 'You can do anything for love' and there even lies an underlying truth about mankind's future where he turns out to be obese and without the use of his limbs due to machines he invents. They try to scare us there.

But focus still lies on this tiny robot (I think they used a puppy coz many of the expressions like tilting the head and the looky looky eyes were like that).

But this has been deemed the most successful animation film (grossing a 63bil ) with an IMDb ranking of #1 in the animation section and #19 in the top 250 (sure to rise though)

The movie would be worth watching (any age group) coz :

1. Great characters.
2. Revolutionary animation.
3. Awesome story with humour.

I would also recommend catching it in the big screen. (Its totally worth it).
I don't think I would have to do any convincing on my part. Just catch the trailer and you'll know what I'm talking about. Its extraordinar-E!

Trailer :

(Short version)
(Full HD version)

Movie Review and Standing :

IMDb

I' m positive you'd enjoy the movie as much as I did if not more. :-)

The Age of Umpires

2008-07-12T21:10:00.006+05:30

I am a fan of cricket almost as much as I am that of football.
The sport is well followed and anyone could end up with a black eye for saying Tendulkar lost his groove.
But when watching the match I realized that the game was slightly flawed when trying to keep with tradition. It was probably a well debated subject among ardent cricket fans.

One of them would be:
"Did Dravid deserve that bad call of LBW?" and then the curses fly at the umpire who made the 'wise' call.

There was this one other incident I saw during a 20-20 match where a batsman would try to make a run and the umpire who could see whether he crossed the line would call it out to the III umpire.

Then if there was a certain call he made contradicted by the III umpire wouldn't it make him look bad?
The pressure would be overwhelming
Is his being there on the pitch justified?
Don't get me wrong I like Bowden doing the Egyptian dance almost as much as the next guy and its even fun to watch Shepherd doing the Square dance at certain scores but isn't it time someone realized that the machines are overtaking them?

We could so easily avoid these 'human' errors by simply asking the bowlers to look at the pavilion and scream howzzat!
A funny image it may seem but more productive?

The functions of the umpire could be overlooked too with a computer to calculate the height the ball bounced or even stump speakers that amplify whats said on the pitch. Hawk-eye was clearly a very powerful aspect here.
This would put at ease, not only the umpires but also the fans of this die-hard game.

Do we keep tradition alive or go to the more efficient 'less lifelike' technology?

And since the only other job for retired Cricketers is commentary, we have to give this a lot of thought. :-)
So when it comes to Umpires in the future the real question is out or not out !

giving mobile blogging a try...

2008-06-04T01:12:00.002+05:30

well i guess if you see this it works

Posted from moBlog – mobile blogging tool for Windows Mobile

A Certain Uncertainty

2008-05-14T09:31:00.003+05:30

When you go through life you may have felt, at least, at one point of time that you were being watched. Whether you were walking alone through a desolate neighborhood or through a dark alley. It may still be paranoia but you can be sure of one thing.
You're not totally wrong.

There is a principle by Heisenberg that shows a relation between the observer and the observed.
Many of you may already know this as the Uncertainty Principle.
From Wiki,

'Uncertainty principle is the statement that locating a particle in a small region of space makes the momentum of the particle uncertain; and conversely, that measuring the momentum of a particle precisely makes the position uncertain.'

A branch of this principle known as the 'Observer effect' is what we're interested in here.
The energy that is being used to observe physically can be felt by the observed too. Hence it is not possible to observe anything without actually changing the observed in some form or the other. Be it light energy or otherwise.
From Wiki,

'To "see" an electron, a photon must first interact with it, and this interaction will change the path of that electron.'

So it is HIGHLY possible that you will know if you're being watched or observed( I'm sure you'll already know if you're being touched etc, you don't need a principle on that! ).

For more info check this out,

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Observer_effect

It may after all just be that you are a little bit paranoid or high strung ; and there is probably no one out there waiting to get you. But who knows? Wasn't this a widely accepted theory? :-)

XP - Advantages of Pair Programming

2008-05-13T12:12:00.002+05:30

XP - User Stories

2008-05-13T12:10:00.000+05:30

The Greatest Sin

2008-05-12T11:27:00.006+05:30

Which would you rate as the greatest Sin? Is it killing or taking another's life? Is it is greed ? or Pride? or rape and adultery?
I have often thought of this and it would be fun to wonder if there was a judgment day, that would decide your fate on the type or level of the sin committed. I found it interesting and then I came across a book that said the greatest sin was in fact - Theft.
This Book was called - "The Kite Runner" written by Khaled Housini. A delightful storyteller, I add.
He said that all the sins that exist can be explained and collectively be replaced by this one - theft.
Every sin is related to taking something away from someone be it murder , rape or greed.
Murder as stealing their right to live, and if you think about it so can every other sin be explained this way, given time and thought.
Anyway for those of you that didn't know, these are the 7 Deadly Sins,

Lust
Gluttony
Greed
Pride
Sloth
Wrath
Envy

Instead of taking into account the literal meaning of these words we could look for the underlying impact it may have..
All of these relate to the taking away of something I guess, Interesting way to look at it I suppose.

Related Posts:

The Greatest Sin - II (The Good, the Bad and the Righteous)
The Greatest Sin - III (The Greater Good)

XP - Pair Programming

2008-05-03T12:05:00.000+05:30

How NOT to greet a cute girl

2008-04-28T11:58:00.000+05:30

Changing your Vista system Rating to 9.9

2008-04-23T12:12:00.000+05:30

In the properties tab of My Computer you have a rating system called the Windows Experience Index (WEI).
A friend of mine started showing off with his new PC having a rating of 5.4 while mine had a mere 3.2 rating. So i changed mine to 9.9 to show him!
Don't worry, this will not affect your registry or anything. Its completely safe. You have to login into an account with admin privilege though.
So here's how,
Step 1:
Go to your Vista drive and go to the following location,
(C is my Vista Drive , try it on yours)

C:\Windows\Performance\WinSAT\DataStore

Under DataStore you'll find a lot of XML files. Find the most recently created file ( Every file is labeled with a time stamp).

Step 2:
Right click and select properties. In the properties tab select the Security tab. Here change the permissions of all users (Edit and give full control) to full rights of access. Save it and close the Window. Refresh the system.

Step 3:
Open Wordpad and select Open. Go to the path and open that same XML file. Now you'll see a section of text where your rating is written, change them all to 9.9 ( or something else if you want; 9.9 is max). Save the file and exit. Refresh your system.

Step 4:
Open my computer's WEI and look at your rating!

This works on Vista Home Premium, Ultimate with RC1 ( Sometimes it comes as unrated WEI. This happens if you haven't given the proper permissions to the XML file).
Even if you redo the rating of your system you'll get the 9.9!!
Delete the XML file and redo the rating and get back your original system rating.
If you found this helpful, leave your comments.

Linux or Windows Desktop?

2008-04-15T19:15:00.000+05:30

Ah, the much debated question. Which is the better OS? I feel the success of Windows has clearly taken the lead to existing Unix based systems (Linux). But let me talk about Linux,
I have used Linux for 2 years now..We all know the advantages of switching to Linux - no viruses, spy ware and resulting crashes. (Not to this current day and age as a friend pointed out. Viruses existed for Linux since the 1990s but so did the counter measures) In the professional environment, this leads to a loss of man hours, and worse, a lot of data loss.
So basically Linux sounds like OS Utopia. This is seen when talking about basic PCs that need nothing more than a browser, an office suite and a mail client. Linux can do all this and much more and with the Linux distros that look like Windows even the administrative functioning is the same.
In fact, with the KDE interface in Linux you'd barely notice the difference from Windows.
I'm not stupid enough to suggest that everyone shift to Linux as it would likely earn me a black eye for suggesting that graphic professionals leave their beloved Photoshop to shift to GIMP. But people who don't have a dependency on Windows based software can easily port to Linux.You'd end up saving a fortune in OS costs, anti-virus costs, and probably even IT staff costs.
After all said and done , the reason people don't still use Linux can be simply translated as follows -
"I'm so used to anti-virus software that i cant imagine life without it!"

Getting started with OSS

2008-04-11T19:29:00.000+05:30

For those uninitiated or new to the open source movement, SourceForge (http://sourceforge.net/) is one of the largest open source development site on the net. Users here can pitch in with their efforts, and more importantly , share their technological know-how to make advanced, useful and bug free code.
The site is owned by OSTG (Open Source Technology Group), Inc which also owns other popular sites like linux.com, ThinkGeek and DevChannel.

Getting Started

The site itself is uncomplicated and manages to be informative and feature filled, yet at the same time simple and easy to navigate.

Registering your account

The first page itself is very simple and all you need to do is fill in your email address and password. Make sure that you fill in the correct email address as you will require it later. Now starts the nagging-nanny routine and you're asked to verify your email. Next you have to enter details like your account name and your public display name along with certain other details.
The nagging screens appear twice more, but your account is ready and you can start project creation.

Project Creation

Logging in for the first time you may be a little surprised to see what you think is the registration process starting all over again. Its basically a formality that needs to be completed before you can move on.
Project creation continued in upcoming posts.

What is OSS?

2008-04-03T10:58:00.000+05:30

OSS Freedom!
Open source Software (OSS) is a software whose source is open. This means that the software should not restrict the user from freely using it, modifying it and distributing it. The most significant difference between OSS and Proprietary Software (PS) are immediately apparent. PS is usually distributed as a binary without source code. PS is normally sold with a lot of conditions that restrict the usage and distribution of the program.

OSS CAN OR CANT BE FREE
This depends on the person who develops it as he can sell it as he sees fit.

Advantages of OSS:
Longevity
OSS, since it allows modifications by all, can survive in its current form for a long time. Users need not worry about the lack of vendor support or feel compelled to upgrade.
Quality
Peer review, as excellent mechanism for identifying and resolving shortcomings in a product, can be implemented in OSS since anyone can see the code.
Portability
It is easy for OSS to be ported to other platforms, since contributers with relevant expertise can make necessary modifications.
Compatibility
Compatibility is an issue that is easily handle in OSS due the needed modifications being made in the source code.
Response Time
OSS is enriched by newer features contributed by many programmers. The decentralized nature of the OSS development allows for faster incremental changes to OSS.

With these developments it is only a matter of time before OSS actually picks up in the cyber world.

The PEBKAC concept

2008-03-26T10:27:00.000+05:30

This acronym sounds vague to non users of computers but I'm certain that experienced computer professionals have come across this term quite often.Generally being a naive user we tend to not know what is virtually dangerous to the computer and ultimately us.
We take for granted the fact that every problem we face is because we have done something to cause it. Most Malware and Spyware have got into our system since we were dumb enough to click a link that caused it or otherwise.
PEBKAC - Problem Exists Between Keyboard And Chair
I've used a computer for the past 11 years and i would've caused it to crash at least a dozen times, but reducing as time goes on.
We being inexperienced users tend to face most problems, hence having to deal with all kinds of data theft, loss and other manipulation. With experience we eventually learn how these bugs work and counter them by creating a pattern in our mind out of pure instinct. Just like we know that a longer Boot Up than usual indicates the possibility of a virus.
Anyways, there is no stopping our learning and with every new type of intrusion attempt there is bound to be a counter measure just round the corner.So, don't sweat it coz you're the cause,
help is only a factor of time!

1997 - A good one

2008-03-20T11:50:00.000+05:30

A Recipe for Success?

2008-03-12T11:42:00.000+05:30

This is a very interesting anecdote I would like to share with you, a few of my friends would have heard it from me already.

In my 7th semester of college, my dad asked what my plan for success was. I told him that I would like to first get into my job ( After college and a higher education, a high paying one too) and make a lot of money with which I could buy what I needed, do whatever I wanted to do with it and hence live happily for the rest. I guess this sounds like almost everyone's recipe for success if I'm not mistaken.

So my father then told me that my success formula was as follows:

HAVING --> DOING --> BEING

He then told me my formula was flawed and he asked me to make a change. He wouldn't tell me what it was that was wrong with this method of mine. So I tried to understand.
It finally hit me a few months back that, we as humans are in fact never satisfied with what we have so we would never even get to the DOING phase since we'll never finish with the HAVING phase.
I told my father this and he told me that the real success formula was :

BEING --> DOING --> HAVING

If we knew what we wanted to be, analyzed who we are and do what we wanted to do in hope of finding ourselves we would end up having everything!!

Sounds kinda Heavy but cool once you think about it.
On my part all I can say is,
Thankfully, I'm too lazy to be and too busy being lazy. :-)